I have to give credit where credit is due because I learned from the best. My mother was never at a loss for dates before meeting my father and turned down an alleged eight marriage proposals before accepting his. But, as I have heard the story retold to me for years, there did come a time in her life when she experienced dating burnout.
On one fateful evening back in 1967, my mother decided she would cancel her previously scheduled Tuesday night date to stay home and watch the last televised episode of The Fugitive. When her father, my grandfather, got wind of this new turn of events, he sat her down and advised her to go out on that date because, as he reminded her, television is not real life and her future is.
To this day, my mother still does not know the identity of the one-armed man and blames her overactive social calendar as the reason why. Was my grandfather right in persuading my mother to leave, or should she have taken the night off as she wished to spend a little quality time with herself and Dr. Kimble?
No, that date was not with my father, so there is no implication of destiny at play here. But would canceling really have been such a bad idea? Here are 22 ways to know if it may be time for you to take a much-needed break from dating and redirect your energy elsewhere for a while.
1. When you are out shopping and the cashier tells you to swipe your credit card, you ask, "Left or right?"
2. You have 104 matches on Tinder but are sitting home on a Saturday night because there is no one in the world worth dating.
3. There are six guys in your phone's contacts bearing the same name and you say a small prayer each time you send a text that you have sent it to the right one.
4. Reduce, Reuse, Recycle is your dating philosophy, not an anti-pollution slogan.
5. When you are matched with someone new, you become excited because the guy's got a different name from those of the legions you have already dated.
6. You automatically disqualify a guy based on whether or not you like his name or because of its negative connotation for you.
7. You resort to posting a picture of yourself online with an exotic animal like all of those other "idiots" you used to laugh about.
8. You realize guys actually find said picture of you interesting and now believe you have wasted valuable resources all of this time.
9. When you look through your phone's contacts, you do not remember who some of the guys are but are certain you dated them.
10. You keep repeating to your date, "Did I tell you this story already?"
11. You are tempted to refer a new date to your blog's URL so you need not waste time repeating your life story yet again.
12. You fear meeting exes on the street while on a date in New York City.
13. Every time a relationship ends you push a mental reset button on your wardrobe and wistfully wonder if you will ever be lucky enough to repeat an outfit with the same guy.
14. You are worried the train conductor on NJ Transit has seen you wearing the same dress twice in a week because (a) you have and (b) you and the conductor are now on a first-name basis.
15. Before dates you catch yourself singing, "The time was six o'clock on the Swatch watch, no time to chill, got a date, can't be late." (Bell Biv DeVoe, "Do Me")
16. You develop mnemonic devices to help remember where the guy you are dating lives. And for the life of you, you still cannot remember which floor his apartment is on once you step into the elevator.
17. You feel like Carrie Bradshaw. Strike that, you ARE Carrie Bradshaw!
18. You spend an inordinate amount of time getting dressed.
19. Friends excitedly ask when you started commuting to the city for work and you sheepishly explain that dating is now your full-time job.
20. You really just want to chow down on a cheeseburger and fries at the Shake Shack instead of a salad and grilled fish at yet another expensive restaurant.
21. You become a badass to your dates and suddenly realize the less you care the more they do.
22. You are happy you just got dumped because now you finally have an excuse to stay home.