1. Fishing: You start out before dawn, determined you're going to, literally, get the catch of the day.
Gay Hookup Sites: You start out after dusk, determined that perfect catch is, literally, right around the corner.
2. F: Most of the day consists of lying around and waiting for a bite, with amazingly boring stretches of drinking beer in between.
GHS: Most of the night consists of lying around waiting for a woof, with amazingly boring stretches of viewing porn in between.
3. F: Fish love to travel and rarely host.
GHS: Men love to travel and rarely host.
4. F: When you finally get a bite, chances are it's going to be a fish so small you'll have to throw it back. It's illegal to keep those.
GHS: When you finally get a bite, chances are it's a Twink so young you're going to have to turn him down -- or face getting arrested.
5. F: The prettiest ones are the hardest to catch, and the least tasty.
GHS: The prettiest ones are the hardest to catch, and the least tasty.
6. F: The shimmery water enhances the fish's frame and fins, while deceptively making his length and girth seem bigger than it truly is.
GHS: The selfie Photoshop feature enhances the man's chest and biceps, while deceptively making his length and girth seem bigger than it truly is.
7. F: It helps if you have a six-pack.
GHS: It helps if you have a six-pack.
8. F: If you pay attention and know what you're doing, you might get a catfish.
GHS: If you're not paying attention and don't know what you're doing, you'll probably get catfished.
9. F: Any sudden movements are liable to scare them off.
GHS: Any sudden signs of commitment are liable to scare them off.
10. F: It's imperative you take your line out before fishing hour's over.
GHS: It's imperative you go offline before your date's bathroom break's over.
11. F: Sure, some fish are unattractive. But if they are big and meaty nothing else matters.
GHS: Sure, some guys are unattractive. But if they have a big, meaty dick nothing else matters.
12. F: All fish require H20 to thrive.
GHS: Many men require 420 to thrive.
13. F: Fish hang out in schools: Tuna, Cod, Snapper, and get terrified and confused if separated.
GHS: Men hang out in tribes: Bear, Otter, Jock, and get terrified and confused if separated.
14. F: You're best off searching in Open Waters.
GHS: You're best off searching for Open Relationships.
15. F: There's nothing worse than realizing the guy fishing next to you is getting a lot more bites.
GHS: There's nothing worse than realizing the guy looking next to you is your husband.
16. F: Preparation is key.
GHS: PrEP is key.
17. F: Chances are your dad sparked interest in the sport.
GHS: Chances are a daddy sparked interest in the sport.
18. F: There's always lovely scenery -- beautiful forests, gorgeous lakes and gentle mountain streams -- to give you pleasure as you pass the time away.
GHS: There's always lovely scenery -- beautiful forests, gorgeous lakes, and gentle mountain streams -- to piss you off because guys use them as profile pics.
19. F: If they're hungry enough they'll swallow it, hook, line and sinker.
GHS: If they're horny enough they'll swallow it, hook, line and sinker.
20. F: There's nothing worse than latching onto a piece of deadwood and not being able to get if off your line.
GHS: There's nothing worse than a deadbeat guy who latches on to you and won't stop writing a stupid line.
21. F: The most desirable fish always seem to be halfway across the pond.
GHS: The most desirable guys always seem to be halfway across the globe.
22. F: Everyone wants to catch the bottom-feeders.
GHS: Everyone wants to catch the top-breeders.
23. F: After a long stretch, you finally hook an amazing fish. You're calm, steady, you don't panic. You slowly reel him in, working that rod to perfection, knowing that, if you play your cards right you're going to bring home the most amazing meal of the day ... And then he cuts lose.
GHS: After a long stretch, you finally hook an amazing guy. You're calm, steady, you don't panic. You slowly reel him in, showing your perfect rod, knowing that if you play your cards right you're going to bring home the most amazing man for the night ... And then he blocks you.
24. F: 90 percent of the time you give up, console yourself by saying there are other fish in the sea, and finish the day empty-handed.
GHS: 90 percent of the time you give up, console yourself by saying there are other fish in the sea, and use your own hand to finish.