I’m a recovering perfectionist.
I place very high (and usually unattainable) demands on myself. I hate screwing up and making mistakes. When I heap these expectations of perfection on myself, I end up stressed and overwhelmed.
Here’s the thing. I want to be gracious. I want to be patient. I want to model to my children that they are loved, no matter what. And so I’m in recovery from my perfectionism.
This week I have been solo-parenting while my husband is traveling. Parenting, by far, is the primary place where my inner-critic and perfectionist rear their ugly heads. When my parenting is less than stellar (every single day), my perfectionist tendencies get consumed with how I should be doing a better job. Then I realize I should be more gracious with myself. Oh, the tyranny of the "shoulds."
So I need a bit of brain and heart rewiring. Maybe you do too. High-fives for recovering and healing. Let's be messy and imperfect together, okay?
Here are 25 tips for all of us trying hard to be less than perfect.
1. Nobody is 100% perfect. “Perfect” is an illusion.
2. You are worthy, no matter what you do or don’t do.
3. Practice good self-care for your mind, body & soul.
4. Be patient with yourself and with others.
5. “Done is better than perfect.” - Mark Zuckerberg
6. Life gives you do overs. You can try again.
7. Be purposely imperfect, and see what happens. Arrive 10 minutes late. Let house guests see your messy living room. Tell a friend about how you screwed up.
8. It’s okay to make mistakes.
9. The world does not depend on you alone.
10. “Certain flaws are necessary for the whole. It would seem strange if old friends lacked certain quirks.” - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
11. You are human, with human needs and limitations.
12. Notice how you can love others, even though they are imperfect, and see if you can begin to do the same for yourself.
13. Relax and let life happen.
14. Mistakes are usually not catastrophes.
15. “I have done my best. That is all the philosophy of living one needs.” - Lin-yutang
16. Don’t take yourself too seriously.
17. Be satisfied with “good enough.” Do the best you can, then let it go.
18. Develop a sense of humor.
19. Be kind to yourself as you learn and grow.
20. Be gracious and forgiving with yourself and others.
21. “Perfectionism is self destructive simply because there's no such thing as perfect. Perfection is an unattainable goal.” - Brené Brown
22. Have reasonable expectations.
23. Embrace who you are - faults, weakness, and all.
24. Release attachment to outcomes. Enjoy the process.
25. Let go of the notion that you need to be perfect and instead strive for making peace with imperfection.
Do you have any other tips or advice for recovering from perfectionism? Please share in the comments.
In addition to being a recovering perfectionist, Larissa Marks is a spiritual director, ministry planter, writer, and Director of Spiritual Formation at Bluewater Mission Church in Hawaii. She is the creator of Spiritual Journey. Sign up for her Weekly Notes of guidance and inspiration for your spiritual journey sent to your inbox. You can also find her at her personal blog The Larissa Monologues. She lives in Honolulu, Hawaii with her husband and three kids.