You deserve a badge of honor for dating. From dick pics to creepy dates who won’t stop messaging you (we see you, woman who sent 65,000 texts after a first date), it’s truly a jungle out there.
Below, we’ve gathered up 26 tweets that capture the hilarity, and horror, of dating in modern times.
Life is short. If you have a crush on someone, walk right up to them then a little past them and just keep going it’s probably not worth it
— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) April 20, 2018
I JUST ASKED SIRI IF A CERTAIN BOY WOULD EVER TEXT ME AND SHE SENT A TEXT SAYING WILL YOU EVER TEXT ME TO HIM. My funeral will be held at 8pm this Thursday.
— Ceci ✮ (@CeciMula) January 17, 2018
date: I'll try the margherita flatbread
— Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) February 1, 2018
waiter: and for you sir?
me: (don't get anything weird) hot salad
Dating apps should require people to upload photos of their apartment so you know what you're getting yourself into.
— Hannah Orenstein (@hannahorens) March 21, 2018
[first date]
— Olive Gravy (@offbeatoliv) January 26, 2018
Him: *dabs pizza grease with napkin
Me: i think we should see other people
I was on tinder for like a week then I got off tinder cuz everyone on there was in to hiking.
— Patrick Gill (@Pizza_Suplex) May 10, 2018
opened a DM picture from a man expecting it to be a dick pic but it was a poem, which is somehow worse
— rose 🦇 (@lleuadau) May 10, 2018
[at a loud bar]
— content provider (@cwhudson) December 8, 2015
HIM: [yelling] DO U HAVE ANY PLANS AFTER THIS?
HER: [also yelling] YES I DO ACTUALLY HAVE PLANTS THAT I KISS
“What do you pay for electricity?” - me on a date
— michael svetich (@michaelsvetich) May 10, 2018
Raise your hand if you've been personally victimized by your own taste in men
— brooke oslin (@brookeoslin) March 7, 2018
“I have 13k followers on my Football Twitter account” is what I said to the lady on a first date when she asked me what I do for a living. She won’t call me back for some reason.
— Xav Salazar (@XavsFutbol) May 12, 2018
*first date*
— Sarah Schauer (@SJSchauer) May 8, 2018
Guy: I like a girl who's good with money
Me: the city will bury you for FREE if they can't identify your body
Date: What do you do?
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) February 28, 2018
Me: [holds up menu] you just choose a meal from this book of food
[on a first date]
— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) May 10, 2018
Her: I don’t like guns
Me: *casually unrolls my t-shirt sleeves*
Dating apps should show you how many times someone has deleted the app so we know who's really losing their mind.
— Jared Freid (@jtrain56) June 8, 2017
"Owners at self employed" should not be given the option to Super Like anyone on Tinder
— Sonali Thakker (@SonaliThakker) February 27, 2018
been single so long I just get into arguments with myself now…. gotta keep the relationship exciting
— Because I'm a Guy (@CauseWereGuys) April 22, 2017
buying women drinks is dead. sending fire memes is the mating ritual of millennials.
— Cole (@colepisiak) November 28, 2017
[first date]
— Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) May 18, 2018
HER: had any long term relationships?
ME: ya I've had these shoes forever
okay. i’m tired of dating. who wants to marry me? you can date other people too but you must be willing to:
— dream ghoul, RN (@TheDreamGhoul) April 12, 2018
1. post instagram photos of me looking at a menu in a restaurant while i pretend to not notice
2. take out the trash
3. unclog my shower drain
4. make out a lot
*replying to a Tinder match two weeks later*
— ya girl (@aliya_isms) April 13, 2018
Haha sorry I got disillusioned about love for a second, anyway... what’s up? 😜
Tinder profile vs. reality. pic.twitter.com/efNN43pYAX
— Jordan Harbinger (@JordanHarbinger) May 16, 2018
I just want to find someone who will love me as much as guys with no personality love Barstool Sports
— Gina (@ginadivittorio) May 15, 2018
Reasons to be in a relationship:
— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) April 7, 2018
1. The other person tells you what dogs they saw that day and you then discuss dogs
2. That's it I think
friend: okay this is the first date so pretend like you’re not too interested
— Cline (@ConsensualCline) May 12, 2018
me: okay
*at dinner*
date: my parents both died when I was really young
me: who cares
[first date] are you mad at me?
— beth, an alien (@bourgeoisalien) February 22, 2016