1. Can stop obsessing about whether you might finally be upper class and go back to aspiring to upper middle.
2. Will lose all urge to secretly vote Republican.
3. That novel you always swore you'd write, if only you had the time? You have the time.
4. No need to hunt down the most distinctive artisanal cheese: Your new gastronomic thrill will be finding pork at 49 cents a pound.
5. Can once again stand to be friends with venture capitalists and hedge fund managers.
6. The overgrooming trend - professionally vacuumed pores, four-season pedicures, plucked-clean pudenda - will be reversed, leaving you to molt in peace.
7. Bottled water or tap? They'll give up asking.
8. No longer need to feel embarrassed about asking for cash as a gift.
9. Poverty is green! Reduce carbon footprint by wearing old clothes, driving old car, turning down heat.
10. Child will have much easier time finding great non-paying internship.
11. Will finally keep resolution to start using the library more often.
12. You know that over-glitzy Deep Gulch National Bank that weirdly sprang up on your corner? It won't be there much longer.
13. Ditto Gino, the old-timey shoe repair guy you feel guilty about never patronizing except he gives you the creeps.
14. Agonizing over whether to get divorced? Don't bother, you can't afford it.
15. Fewer kids named Tiffany, more named Cash.
16. No more pressure to carry a $1400 purse: The new status bag will be Whole Foods - oooh! - recyclable.
17. Can stop worrying about what bling is.
18. You just might possibly finally lose weight.
19. Much easier to get reservations at Per Se, if you can find somebody else to foot the bill.
20. All fur will henceforth be fake.
21. Complaining about being broke wins empathy, not scorn.
22. When you turn down the guy begging on the subway platform, you'll be able to look him in the eye.
23. Going off your meds to save the copay? You'll find plenty of company.
24. Public schools will now be filled with super-bright students and hyper-involved parents.
25. Should you move to the suburbs now that you have kids? Move back to the city now that the kids are grown? Stop debating: You're going nowhere.
26. Take notes: With any luck, you're developing some great stories with which to someday torture your children.
Pamela Redmond Satran is a developer of the baby-naming site nameberry.