I wrote this a few years back shortly after our Sandy Hook/ Newtown incident on 12/14. I held onto the article, but recently, after spending a couple days in Washington DC meeting with Congressmen (actually their aides) and speaking up for improved gun safety legislation, I knew in my heart that speaking up on this topic is really just the tip of the iceberg.
What this conversation really needs to be about, is, how can we create a culture, country and world where people feel more self acceptance and respect for themselves?
People hating themselves and then projecting that hatred on the world is what's happening.
How can we retrain people to love themselves more?
This article is my way of continuing a conversation that I believe is HUGELY important right now.
As I drive around Newtown, I feel overwhelmed with the feeling of love. Signs are posted in front yards, next to businesses, all displaying words of compassion.
I meet people from all over the country, here to help in whatever way they can. Professional football players have visited our community, our CT hockey team donated free tickets to all Newtown residents. Our general store was gifted a day of free food to all of it's customers. I have never seen the store quite so packed before!
I've watched as the most stoic of men have opened up and cried, sharing what's deep in their hearts.
I see love everywhere.
I'm touched because I know deep in my heart that this tragedy did not come to inflict only pain. It came to bring us back to love. To move away from fear based, individual living, and remind us it's time to connect with our neighbors again.
It's time to show EVERYONE love, to open up to how we feel and to face one-on-one our deepest fears. What we've had bottled up inside of us, this event has allowed us to play out in our own homes. At the core, we are strong, but deep within us is the feeling we are somehow not safe. This tragedy brings up both sad and angry emotions. Those emotions are for those lost, outwardly expressing our compassion for them.
Anger comes and with it blame.
I heard several times the word evil used. This is hard for my ears to hear. For within me, I do not believe anyone is evil. What happened Dec, 14, 2012 was by no means an act of kindness and is a tragedy beyond tragedies. But, in my heart, I see this as an act of a very confused soul. Not someone evil.
Everyone at the core, is good. It's the thoughts we chose to tell ourselves that then create our feelings and those feelings create our actions and reactions in the world.
The soul who initiated this day had been telling himself a story, a story that was a very different picture from the Truth. He thought of himself as BAD and not good enough. He probably had experiences in his lifetime that lead him to believe this. This was not the Truth, but he began to cultivate these feelings.
These feelings filled his being up with sadness, fear and anger. He began to blame others for what he felt he lacked. Perhaps he didn't have the capacity to look inward and see these thoughts as false or maybe he just didn't know how. He needed support and didn't know how to ask for it.
His family saw he was "off" but didn't realize to what extent. They chalked it up to his disability.
His family tried, as best they could, with the awareness they had, but didn't know how to get through. They were confused too.
The soul who initiated the events of Dec.14, 2012 hated himself and blamed the world.
His feelings of low self worth and anger were compounded by angry video games, food with chemicals, additives, preservatives, pesticides, insecticides, products in his home that were unnatural and created from chemicals.
His soul wanted help, but the foods he ate and the things he was surrounded with in his environment severely exacerbated his angry moods. His body was physiologically imbalanced. Not just from Aspergers but because of the toxins he was surrounded with.
He was a victim of not knowing any better. He was a man who needed support in many ways.
To be clear, I am NOT condoning his behavior. I am reminding myself and the world that he was inherently good (yes, hard to hear about the soul who created such a tragedy). Ending the thoughts that he was BAD, we can see he was actually extremely confused. To blame him is to not help the situation, but, to displace our own anger.
To step away from anger and to see what may have created this, and, what we can now do going forward, that's where we go from here.
When we can honor and light 28 candles for all involved in this tragedy (not just the children and teachers impacted, but include the perpetrator and his mother), we become whole as a nation. We unite and move forward with love. We look for ways we can make our families, our community and our world a better place.
When we blame, we send out limited love, we share hatred for that which is not acceptable to us. We withdraw our love. What if we learned that which we dislike in others is really what we ourselves are scared of most in ourselves. And instead, we act and live from a place of how can I love more? How can I help?
This is not just a tragedy, but an opportunity to live differently. To see what we can do to help others bypass future mental states that initiated this. Gun control is only one small answer my friend. Clean holistic living needs to be incorporated for cleaner healthier thoughts to emerge in anyone. When we live a cleaner life, thoughts become more wholesome. And, we can more easily seek support for those thoughts that may remain that are not the Truth, that tell us we are not good enough.
When we light 28 candles we are creating a different future, one of understanding, more love for our community, more love for ourselves. We are a "New Town" when we light 28 candles.
When we light 28 candles, we begin to forgive. We do not forget, for to forget is to not learn. We remember, so tomorrow can be stronger, better and more loved filled -- for ALL of us.