One of the most under-used, yet brilliant, ways to build confidence in your career is to take lessons from the past and learn from them. As unsexy as that might sound, it is key to creating a winning success strategy for the future.
After 20 years of experience, mistakes and outright weird situations, here are three of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned to get out of my own way, build my confidence as a professional and create my coaching practice.
Hack #1 The job is something you do, it’s not who you are.
It doesn’t pay to put the job before personal development.
Learning about yourself, your strengths & your values is the best way for you to develop your career & build your confidence.
Understanding your WHY; the reason you show up for work every day, what your job gives you and how you can build on that to confidently progress in your career, are invaluable lessons.
This not only helps you to be happy in the job you're in, it also helps you to work towards your future in a way that you can control.
Putting your destiny in the hands of others is not smart.
Own your personal development so that when the right opportunities come your way, you recognise them and grab them with both hands.
Hack #2 Set your boundaries and stick to them
If you’re the one who always volunteers or agrees to do a role because you feel you need to prove yourself ALL THE TIME, then watch out, because sooner rather than later, it becomes expected.
Not only does this get very stressful and impact your health and wellbeing, it also becomes difficult to have the time and energy to do the stuff that matters.
Choose carefully which tasks/projects you take on and ensure you're taking them for the right reasons. People who have healthy boundaries, around what they will and won’t do, command a higher respect than those who don’t.
Communication and consistency are the key to making boundaries work.
Imagine your boundaries are like a level crossing at a train station. The gates are open to let all the people and traffic through UNTIL a train passes. There are signs everywhere which communicate that when the train is passing, no-one gets through and it’s non-negotiable.
Obviously your boundaries are more complex than a level crossing but you get the picture!
Be clear on what you’re willing to do/accept and what what you’re not.
Make sure you communicate what your boundaries are and then exercise them in a consistent way that shows you mean business.
Hack #3 When someone’s being difficult, it’s not always about you
When a relationship at work wasn’t very positive, I always thought it was me! Perhaps I was doing something annoying, coming at things from the wrong angle or maybe I was just wrong in general?
20 years into my career, I now realise that it wasn't always about me. In fact, it was rarely about me.
People have their own issues about how they perceive themselves and this can negatively impact the way they deal with others. If you happen to remind them, through your words or behaviour, of their challenges or insecurities, this can account for the “difficult” behaviour.
More than once, I’ve had issues with managers who were downright confrontational and rude. It was only afterwards I found out that they’d behaved like that because they felt threatened (that I could do the job better than they could).
Their behaviour was about their insecurity - nothing to do with me at all.
Perception is reality and once someone perceives you in a certain way, it can be very hard to change their perception, without confronting it head on and having “that conversation”. Even if you do that, there is no guarantee that things will improve and sometimes acceptance, compassion and a few job applications are the best way forward.
Sheryl Sandberg once said;
“We cannot change what we are not aware of, and once we are aware, we cannot help but change.”
So now you’re aware, I challenge you to move your career in the right direction and own your destiny with these 3 simple questions:
- What course, workshop, book, podcast, video or blog will you start this week to learn more about yourself, who you are, and how you can build on your strengths?
- What are you tolerating that negatively impacts you and what boundary do you need to put in place to ensure that things change?
- What work relationships aren't working well - what could you do that’s within your control to make it better? If nothing, how can you get to a place of acceptance or change your circumstances?
Make today the day you take charge of your own destiny and creating a better, brighter future for yourself.