We all want a healthy and loving relationship. You know, a relationship filled with compassion, affection, and acceptance. A relationship where there is respect.
Whether you are single or not, the desire, to some degree, is likely there. Unfortunately for many of us, even if we are married or in a relationship we can find ourselves wishing that the relationship was different in some ways. We may feel that the "spark" has gone away and we wish we could find it again.
Fortunately, regardless of our relationship status, we can give our relationships a "tune up" when we stop to look within ourselves and consciously choose to make some inner shifts. Here are 3 keys to manifesting a healthy and loving relationship in your life:
#1 - Have an amazing relationship with yourself
If you hate being alone and you're self-worth is determined by how active your social life is, then you're going to be giving off a "I need you to validate my self-worth" kind of vibe when out on a date. If, on the other hand, you enjoy spending time with yourself and feel totally comfortable in your own shoes, then you're going to be giving off a "I feel comfortable with myself" kind of vibe.
Now, this doesn't necessarily mean that if you do hate being alone and have a low self-worth that you're not going to find a boyfriend. The truth is that you probably would. However, there would be one big problem: The guy has equally as low of a self-worth as you. Which, would then create a relationship where both people need the other person to validate their own self-worth.
It's a foundation built on sand -- and it's certainly not where one wants to be if they truly want a healthy and loving relationship.
So get comfortable in your own shoes. Spend time with yourself. Take yourself on dates. Go to the movies, go to dinner or take a mini-vacation with yourself.
Treat your body well by exercising and eating healthy. Do activities that you enjoy doing. Give yourself things that you know you need.
When we become masters of our own self-care, we are giving ourselves the love that we truly deserve. So focus on doing amazing things for you, so you can have a great relationship with yourself. It will help in manifesting that healthy and loving relationship you desire.
#2 - Believe that you deserve it
Many of us want a healthy and loving relationship, but, deep down, we don't believe that we truly deserve it. Or, we may even think that it's not possible for us. Unfortunately, this prevents us from making any kind of progress in getting that loving relationship.
So if you find yourself struggling to believe that you truly deserve it, make a commitment to reframing that mindset.
One way to do this is by saying affirmations. Every morning or night you can spend some time standing in front of the mirror and stating out loud, "I deserve a healthy and loving relationship". Say this 10 times in the morning and 10 times at night for at least 30 days. You may not notice the shifts right away, but over time you'll notice a shift.
#3 - Ditch the checklist and, instead, connect with how you want to feel
We all hold expectations. If you're single and dating, it may be an expectation that the person you date has a nice car and isn't working in retail. If you're in a relationship, the expectation may be that you want your guy to clean the dishes after he uses them.
When we get ourselves caught up in such expectations it's like we are creating for ourselves an internal "checklist". We have a list in our minds of things that we want and "need" in order to be happy and fulfilled in the relationship.
Unfortunately, these "checklists" take us out of the experience. It takes us out of what is happening in the moment in your relationship with this other person and, instead, focused on what the person is or isn't doing. It's a way of rating or judging the moment, which blocks us from truly connecting with the other person and experiencing love.
So the key here is that rather than focus on the "checklist" or expectations, we must focus on how it is that we want to feel in the relationship. Do you want to feel love in your relationship to this other person? Joy? Happiness? A sense of calm? A place of comfort in their presence? How do you want to feel in being in the relationship?
When we focus on how it is that we want to feel rather than on the surface-level details, we can find that what we thought we needed, we don't really "need" after all. We realize that the "needs" were all arbitrary -- and they weren't helping us get what we truly wanted, which is love. Rather, they blocked it.
So let go of your "checklist" of expectations and sit back and ask yourself: How do I want to feel? And then connect to that feeling. Feel it within your own being and carry it with you throughout the day. And, eventually, your relationships will start to reflect your internal state.
Take action now!
In the comments below, share with me how you want to feel in your relationship. Or, if you're not in a relationship now, share with me how you desire to feel.
Jennifer is a self and relationship coach, writer, and spiritual teacher. She is the founder of JenniferTwardowski.com and the creator of Ignite Love from Within: Meditations to Create Relationships and a Life Filled with Love, click here for a free meditation from the album. Her mission is to help women create loving relationships with both others and themselves. Click here for her Free Self and Relationship Healing Meditation and weekly blog updates. To learn about how you can work with her, click here.