It’s human nature. We tend to believe our own thoughts even when they don’t prove themselves to be accurate. We’re wired that way.
I’m not a big fan of black and white judgments about what’s a lie and what isn’t. Generally speaking, I’m not terribly invested in the “truth.” The truth is very, very fluid. Almost everyone lies, at least to themselves. Hell, from moment to moment what’s true can change for any one person at any time.
Especially when it comes to my thoughts, I know the most accurate indicator what’s true is pretty simple. Does this thought work?
Does it get me the kind of results I want in my life?
Does this thought hold water for the long haul?
If it doesn’t, I have to admit to myself that thought is a lie. Lies don’t yield great results no matter how long I tell them to myself.
I’ve lived my life by some really bad lies. There were lies I told myself so often they became a very shaky foundation under an unstable life. I know I’m not alone.
Almost every woman I know as bought into some version of one or all of the following lies.
1. I’ll do ____________ after I’ve lost the weight.
No. You. Won’t.
If you aren’t worth it now, you’re not going to be worth it 10, 20, 50, or 100 pounds lighter.
Putting off the life you want until you’re different than you are now is an excellent way not to have a life now or ever. That is a finish line that will keep moving on you.
Whatever it is you want to do, get on it. Make a plan and execute. You might burn some calories along the way. More importantly, you might just realize you like yourself just fine, just the way you are, when you’re living a life you love.
Happy is the best cosmetic.
2. But he loves me.
He loves you if, and only if he treats you like it.
If you’re having to even utter the words, “but he loves me,” chances are very high he’s not treating you like someone he loves. I don’t care what he says.
Love isn’t a lip service kind of thing. No one should ever have to convince you they love you. When someone loves you, you know it because you see it, not because you hear it. Love shows and love shows up.
If someone is telling you, they love you and acting like they don’t what they’re saying doesn’t count for shit.
Love is a verb it’s not a declaration.
3. If he would stop ____________ I could be happy.
I lost years to this lie. It was believable. I could sell it to just about anyone. I did a stellar job of selling it to myself. I learned my lesson the hard way with this version. “If he would stop cheating me I would be happy.”
It just doesn’t work that way.
Here’s the truth: Whatever you think someone else needs to stop doing, is actually something you need to quit tolerating.
If I’d stopped putting up with my ex-husband’s infidelity, life would have been a lot rosier for everyone involved. However, I waited for him to change. That’s a fool’s game.
That’s pretty obvious in hindsight. It’s also an extreme example. However, the same rule applies for small things you need someone do stop doing.
You either accept people for who they are, where they are, or you don’t. If you don’t love someone they way they are, it’s on you to take action, not them.
Quit tolerating what you need someone else to change. You’ll get your peace of mind and maybe even your life back.