3 Reasons to See By the Sea , 1 Reason to Skip It

The movie Angelina Jolie Pitt (yes, that's what she's going by now) and Brad Pitt filmed during their honeymoon is in theaters this Friday -- and it looks like the opposite of a movie you'd make during the celebratory joy of a brand new marriage. By the Sea is about a couple who take up residence at a quiet, seaside resort in France, an idyllic place for the husband to work on his next novel as well as his crumbling 14-year marriage. It's intended as an homage to 1960s and 70s European cinema, but is it for you?

Here are three reasons why you should see By the Sea and one big reason why you should skip it:

1. It's about a man proving his love to a woman... and that man is Brad Pitt.

2015-11-12-1447367781-3917132-ByTheSeabradlovesangie2.jpgphoto courtesy Universal Pictures

By the Sea is not an entertaining film -- tedious and tiresome is a much better description. My best guess is that 80 percent of it is quiet, miserable brooding. It doesn't feel like it serves Brad Pitt to be in this film -- just like it doesn't seem that staying in a bad marriage serves his character, Roland. When a wise, old café owner tells Roland that true love is caring about your partner's happiness more than your own, it's hard not to make the parallel that Brad Pitt must really, really love Angelina to support her in making this bleak film that he likely knew would be critically reviled.

2. Every frame looks like a page out of Vogue.

photo courtesy of Universal Pictures

Director Jolie Pitt and cinematographer Christian Berger definitely know how to craft a beautiful shot. Every single moment in this film is absolutely gorgeous, even when it's depicting ugliness. Every pose, every scowl, every tear is picture perfect.

3. So, you say you're curious about what Angelina's new boobs look like?

photo courtesy of Universal Pictures

Before she was a mother of six, Jolie Pitt had no issue showing her breasts -- and why not? They were real and they were spectacular. She very publically shared the news she opted for a double mastectomy to avoid breast cancer and now, she is very publically showing that her reconstructive surgery was a whopping success. Not only do audiences get a gander at her bare new chest, some scenes are shot with her exposed breasts as the focal point. If you haven't seen the movie, you may think it's in bad taste for me to bring all of this up; but seriously, after you see the film, you may wonder if she made By the Sea just to show them off. And why not? They may no longer be real, but they are still spectacular.

Personally, I despised this pretentious, self-important film. I didn't like it one little bit. Here's why By the Sea may not for you:

1. It feels like depressing, disappointing porn.

photo courtesy of Universal Pictures

"European cinema" apparently means very little dialogue and lots of nudity and sex. The storyline takes a voyeuristic, predatory turn that is a little sickening. The sex is not so graphic that it gets an X rating, and it's more uncomfortable than arousing. And, before you get your hopes up, pervs, very little of the action is being performed by the world's most beautiful couple, Brangelina.