Sometimes I think people are not as bright as they appear. Well, if you have an Instagram, you can see how bright they really are. An average night on Instagram, people will post pictures of themselves out and about drinking this stupid water. You know alcohol is a water based, hence stupid water.
You've seen the photos. A girl, hammered, barely standing, surrounded by guys toasting the night.
A guy with a beer in one hand, the other wrapped around an intoxicated woman grinding on his dick.
Drunk girls making out with one another in order to try and feel sexy. Haha, let's laugh, funny, funny.
The problem is, who do you think is on the other end of the Instagram account?
All your pretend fans? Maybe...
Your family? Possibly...
Your significant other?
Definitely.
When your partner's home alone at night or out with their friends they've got their smart phones on them. When their smart phone beeps they look and they see one update from Twitter, or an update from Instagram.
Immediately, there you are, in a strip club with five of your friends, getting a lap dance and it's on your Instagram. You made it public for everyone to see. The next thing you know your partner's sharing it with her friends, or... he's watching a six second clip of you grind it on the dance floor with a guy when you were supposed to be having a girls night out.
Before you know it you're in your first social media fight. Social Media fights are embarrassing for everyone. Not just the two people involved, but anyone who loves you and reads this fight.
1. When You Fight Online You're Telling the World You're Immature
Arguing over social media is the new fighting in the street, only worse because they're recorded forever on the Internet. If you have kids they'll one day be able to Google your name and read this fight. Your parents, coworkers, anyone will be able to see what you said.
Maybe you were justified in being angry. But does everyone need to know? Was it necessary to embarrass your partner and yourself?
Fights should be had in person. I know it's difficult to talk about what's bothering you, but it's the only way to air out a grievance. You could be in a desperate situation write a letter, with pen and paper, not an email, detailing why you're upset.
It's important to make yourself available for a conversation after your partner has read the letter. This is the mature way to handle a fight. Anything else reeks of desperation.
2. By Fighting Online You're Telling the World This Relationship is Doomed
Think back to a couple you know who is constantly fighting online or in public. Are they still together? If they are together, are they happy?
My guess is they're miserable. Every couple has disagreements. If you love another person you will eventually have a fight. If you share a space with someone you will fight. I don't want the impression you can't ever fight or your doomed.
Fighting, verbally disagreeing, not punching people in the face, can be a healthy thing. It gives you a chance to air out grievances and clear the table of any wrongdoing. After a fight you can start fresh with new ground rules.
However, publicly shaming and name-calling is not a health way to fight. Often what leads us to disagreements is our pride. Feelings are hurt and whatever ways we've used to cope we revert to.
For example, I had a client who would stop speaking when they were insulted. They just wouldn't say a thing, because it was safer to be quiet then to say something stupid. The problem with this defense was their partner had no idea why they weren't speaking. They didn't know they had offended anyone.
Now imagine how this situation would have played out online.
His pride injured and her not knowing why they weren't speaking. She starts begging him to speak up; he gives her the silent treatment.
Now everyone is watching to see what's wrong. People you haven't spoken to in years are putting in their two cents. Parents are wondering if you're going to break up. Everyone thinks the relationship is doomed and your friends and family start treating you like it's already over.
What should have been a private conversation about how her actions hurt his feelings, turns into a free for all on how their relationship should be managed.
No relationship can survive that kind of turmoil.
3. Fighting Online Causes Unnecessary Drama
Let's go back to those online photos on stupid water. What happens when your partner see's those photos?
Immediately, the person who thinks they're being cheated on will check in with you.
"What are you doing tonight?" the text will read.
What they're really saying is, "I caught you and now I want to see if you at least have the decency to tell the truth"
Here's some million-dollar advice you can take all the way to the bank:
ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH!
You will get caught in the lie. If you don't get caught immediately, your partner will be able to tell you're lying and it will start to infect every part of your life. You won't remember the story the way you told it and it will only be a matter of time before you're caught. Save yourself the trouble and fess up immediately.
Otherwise, you will spend the remainder of your evening after you realize you've been caught apologizing and having a text fight, which is actually one of the most painful things in the world.
Text messages have no context. You can't tell if a person is pissed, sad, or frustrated. You'll be defensive because you've been caught doing something you know you shouldn't have. Messages will get lost in translation and you're up a creek without a paddle.
Are we 14 all over again, or are we just a bunch of people who never graduated high school?
We're adults now. This type of drama is easy to avoid. Don't put your personal information online.