The Blog

3 Secrets to Loving Your Every Emotion

Your spouse is growing distant. You're terrified of losing your job. Your teenager is driving you insane. On the inside, you're falling apart. But from the outside, no one would ever know.
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.

Your spouse is growing distant. You're terrified of losing your job. Your teenager is driving you insane.

On the inside, you're falling apart. But from the outside, no one would ever know.

You may think by hiding your sorrow, denying your fear, or stifling your anger you've crafted a mighty shield between you and your pain. But what happens when you don't shed the tears, face the fear, or express the rage? Unexpressed emotions erode your authenticity from the inside out and make it more difficult to embody your soul signature.

If you're experiencing challenges in your life, it's due to one thing and one thing alone--your unwillingness or inability to feel your emotions. Emotions are actually energy in motion, and in their optimal state, they are designed to flow. When we don't experience our feelings, they create a heaviness inside us that narrows our field of energy, blocks the flow, and keeps us from accessing our greater potential.

If the weight of your emotions has you at a standstill, these energy-shifting secrets will help you drop your armor, love your every emotion, and get your life flowing again.

"Bucking Up" Stops Here

At the end of a difficult week, rife with conflict, you decide to surprise your spouse with a lovely homemade dinner to make amends. He walks through the door seemingly disconnected and unmoved by the gesture. You immediately blame yourself, feel unappreciated, and hold your tongue to avoid yet another war of words.

Sadness and rejection are often emotions we don't want to own for fear of appearing weak, pathetic, or overly sensitive. We think we should just "buck up" and be strong. However, shrouding your sorrow and denying its existence does not take the pain away. If anything, it grows stronger. Removing judgment from your emotions makes you available to experience them honestly. Let them wash over you and propel you forward with greater awareness and understanding. Feeling your sadness does not make you a pitiful coward. Those are your judgments around the emotion of sadness. There is no need to "buck up." Sadness simply means you're sad.

Embrace Your Fear

Numerous budget meetings are underway at work, and the rumor is layoffs are eminent. You've heard talk that whole departments may be cut, yours included. Cubicles are abuzz and you're freaking out -- on the inside. The unemployment monster is out there, circling like a buzzard on the horizon.

When fear is upon us, we often respond in one of two ways--silence or rage. We may lash out: "This is insane!" "It's Bob's fault we're in this mess!" "I hate this job anyway." Or we may simply shut down. We choose these expressions because we're resisting what we're truly feeling-: fear.

By distancing ourselves from the emotion of fear by disguising or ignoring it, we think we're protecting that which we're terrified of losing. In truth, we're creating more stress, insecurity, and mental havoc around the situation. Instead of being swept up in a firestorm, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and accept your fear. Say to yourself, "I am currently experiencing my fear." It won't be comfortable, but stay with it and breathe. You may feel afraid and vulnerable, but embracing the beast that haunts you is the most powerful thing you can do. Articulating your unconscious conversations actually frees you of the emotional heaviness that fuels them.

Anger and Love Can Coexist

It's not uncommon for teenagers to believe that the world revolves around them, nor is it uncommon for this behavior to drive adults to the brink. When your sixteen-year-old comes home ranting that the expensive cell phone you bought him is "so last year," you want to explode.

Anger is often our defense against a perceived enemy -- a coworker, a spouse, strangers, or even our kids -- but anger is not the issue. The anger is born of fear. Maybe your teen's attitude made you fear that he has no respect for authority or that he'll carry these feelings of entitlement into adulthood.

No one wants to get angry with a child, but repelling your feelings of resentment and fury will only make you detonate like a powder keg later on. You worry that if you give into your anger, you'll escalate the situation. Your teenager will throw a tantrum or feel dismissed or unloved. So as you've done many times before, you put your feelings aside and soldier on, but to fully embody your authenticity you need to accept your irritation, experience it internally, and then move on. Expressing anger doesn't mean you're a bad parent. Your child, no matter their age, will benefit most when you're in alignment with who you really are.

Stuffing your rage, fear, or sorrow stops you from being your brilliant, authentic self and living your true soul signature. It's the acceptance of every single emotion you have that opens the floodgate of energy and keeps you anchored in the present. Your emotions arise to show you your greatness and deliver you to your best life.

It's safe to know yourself beyond your personality, your perceived shortcomings, or your story.

It's safe to be exactly who you are as you are.

And it's safe to be your sad, scared, irate, magnificent self.


Contemporary thought leader and spiritual teacher Panache Desai shares a message of love and self-acceptance inspiring people all over the world to relieve themselves of pain, suffering, sadness, and self-limiting beliefs. He has collaborated with internationally respected figures, including Reverend Michael Bernard Beckwith, Elizabeth Lesser, Brian Weiss, MD, Ram Dass, Alan Cohen, James Redfield, and Neale Donald Walsch, and has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Network's Emmy Award-winning show, Super Soul Sunday. Panache invites us to harness the power of our authentic selves through our unique soul signature--our spiritual DNA--and be guided by our true purpose. His first book, DISCOVERING YOUR SOUL SIGNATURE: A 33-Day Path to Purpose, Passion, & Joy, goes on sale on April 29 (Random House/Spiegel & Grau). To learn more, visit