“I usually make up my mind about a man in ten seconds, and I very rarely change it.”
- Margaret Thatcher
In our professional lives, we interact with many people. Fairly or unfairly, we are put in a position where we need to make snap judgments about the character of others.
We must decide: Do I want to invest my precious time and capital in developing a relationship with this person? Do I want to take on this person as a client or collaborator? Is this someone I can work with?
Although human character is remarkably complex and the jury must always be out, I have found that answering three questions can help me assess someone quickly:
1. How Does this Person Treat Servers?
“Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.”
- Abraham Lincoln
You’re at a lunch meeting with someone. How do they treat the server? Are they imperious, ordering the person around like a modern day Caesar? Do they have any empathy for this person who is performing a difficult job and has other people to serve as well?
How someone treats a server is an interesting proxy for how someone deals with power, even a trifling amount. How does this person treat people they have “power” over? How do they treat their assistant, their staff or the barista making their skinny triple hot chai latte?
The answer to this question gives me an indication of how they will behave if they ever have any power over me.
2. Does this Person Listen?
“But enough about me, let’s talk about you…What do YOU think of me?”
- Bette Midler as CC Bloom/Beaches
Is this person hearing anything I say or are they just taking brief respites to catch their breath and tell me more about how frick’n awesome they are?
Now, we all find ourselves fascinating and “I” must be right behind “the” as the most poplar word in the English Language, but I’m hard pressed to find a more immediate indicator of if someone cares about you than if they listen to you.
The best conversationalists aren’t the best orators but the best listeners. If someone listens to you, they can engage with you, they can collaborate with you. Conversely, if someone doesn’t listen to you, they don’t seek collaboration, they seek another worshiper at their shrine of “I.”
3. Does this Person Do What They Say?
“Men may doubt what you say, but they will believe what you do.”
- Lewis Cass
I believe in the idea, that in great matters people behave how they want to be perceived, but in small matters they behave how they really are.
During our meeting, this person said that they were going to e-mail me a link to an article we discussed. Did they send it?
They mentioned making an introduction to one of their colleagues. Did they follow through?
They said they were going to attend the networking event Tuesday night. Did they flake?
These may seem like little things, but from a little piece we can judge the whole pizza pie. If someone does what they say, perhaps they can be trusted.
On the other hand, if someone doesn’t do what they say, it shows that they don’t value their own word. If they don’t value their own word, why they hell should I?