I'm not sure about you, but I have a hard time deciding what category I fall into as a mom. There is the crunchy mommy, the helicopter mommy, the tiger mom, and the free range mommy, etc. Again if you are like, me you love to be categorized. Love it so much, if only to then complain about the unjust categorization that occurred. After all we are individuals. Individuals that crave groupings based on lists of sometimes ridiculous criteria, but individuals nonetheless.
At first I believed mistakenly that I was a crunchy mom. This stemmed from my belief that "crunchy" referred to sounds made by the mom. I didn't necessarily "crunch" when I tried to sneak into my kids rooms, or bend down. I do definitely crack though. My knees, hips, and feet crack or pop like they are auditioning for Rice Crispies commercials (That's right, shout out to breakfast cereal.) Since "crack mom" isn't a thing (well it is a thing, but not the thing I was going for) I assumed crunchy was filling that gap. Imagine my surprise when I found out that crunchy meant hippie and that pretty much every decision I ever made in parenting was not that (not that there is anything wrong with that.) I did eat a granola bar once while pregnant, and there was one time I went barefoot to the mail box. That is not enough I guess.
In order to avoid such embarrassment again I made a cheat sheet for being a helicopter mom. From my knowledge (which I guess I have demonstrated is limited) helicopter momming is not desirable. Therefore I made the list to help me to not be one. And then I left my list at home and I made some missteps. I am sharing this list to now to help you because I care about you.
1) Don't hover over your child's head.
I know what you are thinking on this. "Back to the Future" let us down. We don't have hover boards. This should be easy to not do. I theoretically agree and I am in solidarity with you in your sadness over the non existence of hover boards.
Here is what I didn't consider. I'm taller than my child. I pretty much am hovering over her head no matter what. If she would just grow up a little bit that wouldn't be a problem. My advice here is to kneel down to her and be at eye level.
2) Don't pay extremely close attention to your child.
Again this seems easy. Look the other way when they pick their nose. Don't go with them down the slide when they are 5 and can do it themselves.
Here is the thing I didn't consider on this one. Slides are super fun. I like to go down slides. My advice here is to go out after bedtime and slide to your hearts content. Have a separate set of clothes. We will call them "play clothes" and you change into those in order to avoid getting your clothes dirty there by giving the child evidence. Oh, also I mean get the kid some tissues so they don't have to pick their nose.
3) Don't solve all your child's problems for them
Yeah, I mean this also is super hard to do. I mean ok have you ever heard some of the problems 6 year olds have? They are not rocket science and occasionally it is difficult to no solve their problems even accident.
"Mom, these shoes hurt my feet."
"Wear your new shoes."
Shoot. I did it again.
My advice is to take up miming and only communicate with your child in that medium until they can think for themselves.
That concludes my cheat sheet for avoiding Helicopter Momitization. I hope that you are able to print this and keep it near for reference when it's needed most. I recommend laminating it.
Originally posted on http://www.sammichespsychmeds.com/
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