I used to have this rosy view of the world, a belief that if I were just good and kind, karma would serve me sunbeams with a side of rainbows. Then abuse happened, and infidelity, and a whole lot of other soul-crushing scenarios. And while I remained positive and hopeful, I find I am more inclined to use the one-finger salute. That’s not a good thing for anyone, especially a yoga chick who fancies herself all zen and above the noise. But there’s that lovely quote that seems to sum up my mentality: take no shit but do no harm.
After many years of living a doormat existence, I learned this one hardcore truth: You teach people how to treat you. So it was necessary for me to draw some boundary lines. Because if you don’t create healthy boundaries in relationships, you’ll eventually erect walls. And while it would be nice if people just knew how to be awesome every day, it’s not that simple.
And guess what? It’s not always the other guy who’s an ass. Sometimes I’m at fault because I inadvertently committed a reckless act. So I decided I’d create a list of common annoyances, and remind myself not to be guilty of these things...
3 Things That Might Make You an Ass
Being Late...often
They say time is money, so consider yourself a thief when you make others wait. I guarantee you they feel as though they’ve been slighted. If your intention is to gain the upper hand in some interaction, then by all means, be late. But know that you’ll be irritating the one who made the effort to be timely and is now watching the clock. I’m guilty of this because I’m a champion procrastinator, and I don’t always plan as I should. But at some point I have to stop blaming bad weather and rush hour traffic for my inability to arrive on time.
Being Easily Offended
Sometimes I take offense when none is intended. More on that here. The truth is, insults (whether imagined or deliberate) often have nothing to do with me or my message. They are instead about that other person. Perhaps the offended party has something unresolved within him or her. Not everyone is going to like me, or you, and that’s got to be okay. We have to make it okay, because the truth hurts, but it’s not going to change. So the only thing to do then is bring my best energy and shine. No explanations or excuses needed. No offense taken if my best is just not enough for that other fool person.
Being Oblivious
Some of the most lovely people I know are those who listen and remember seemingly minor details about me. Despite all the chaos they encounter daily, they make a point to concern themselves with my shit. And that makes me feel downright special. My point: don’t be oblivious to other people’s details. Small things can be big things.
When I first started dating the love of my life (more on that here), I was cautious. Ten years of bad marriage (ending in divorce) gave me pause. And then my guy did this one thing that changed everything: he buttered my bread. In that seemingly ordinary gesture, I saw his chivalry. I saw his attentive nature and his integrity. That small act gave me a glimpse into his soul. Some might say it was meaningless, but I understood as I do every time I’m with him: simple acts of kindness are symbolic.
I don’t know about you, but I’d like to be liked. And the other side of being liked is being likable. How freakin’ simple is that? I want to make people feel appreciated and respected, just as I want them to reciprocate that love and energy.
Sometimes that means cultivating better listening habits and shutting my trap so I can let someone else have the spotlight. Sometimes that means making a list, like this one, and keeping an eye on my own behavior.
Don’t be an ass.
A version of this article appears on my blog. Read more of my content here. Or join my small, supportive Facebook group for yogis of all ages and fitness levels: Make Space for Yoga.