A few years ago, I went through a very challenging relationship with a guy that I was dating for four months while living abroad. This difficult relationship left me in this state of uncertainty, disappointment and distrust (of others, but mostly of myself).
The extremely high levels of stress and challenges from the year before, paired with many culture shocks, had simply worn me down into a state of just feeling completely lost and uncertain of myself. I didn't have a lot of faith and trust in my own abilities. I feared going into any kind of new relationship because I felt that, no matter how hard I'd try, I was going to find myself in another shitty relationship situation.
If a new relationship opportunity arose, I'd experience worry over doing something wrong early on that would then put me on the path once again to stress, disappointment and feeling exhausted. I feared that my old behavior patterns were out of my control and that I was unable to truly change them in the way that I would need to in order to truly be happy and to experience genuine love.
I didn't trust myself. I didn't believe in my own abilities. Most of all, I didn't believe that I deserved happy, fulfilling and loving relationships.
You see, for those of us who have been disappointed a lot in relationships so much to a point that we are scared to date again, the problem isn't necessarily that we are scared of getting hurt again or even that we don't have faith in our own abilities. The problem is that we don't believe that we are worthy. We are blind at fully seeing the abilities of creating the love, happiness, and fulfillment that we truly desire that are buried deep within us. We struggle to fully realize all the miraculous things that we are able to have.
So, here are three things that we can do to break us free from this fear to open our hearts again to a new relationship:
1. Admit to yourself (and the universe) what you really, truly want. The problem is that when we have experienced a lot of heartbreak and disappointment from our relationships, we try to convince ourselves (and the world) that we don't really want a supportive and loving relationship. We do this because when we acknowledge it we also have to acknowledge our pain and disappointment. It's easier to just ignore the whole thing and stuff those emotions deep within our being.
The reality, however, is that repressing those desires cause more pain then good. So what we have to do admit that we really truly do want an amazing relationship filled with love.
We can acknowledge our true desires by writing our deepest relationships desires down in a journal. We can also make an offering or intention. For instance, for myself I was traveling in Japan at the time when I finally admitted to myself that I really wanted love. So, I lit a candle for love while at a temple that I was visiting. ou can do this as well on your own with a candle, incense, by leaving a flower out in nature or whatever else that you wish.
2. Believe in your own abilities. One of the biggest things is to realize that we our in control with what happens to us in our lives. This ability to have control over our lives isn't meant to be seen as intimidating or as something to worry about, but as empowering. It's a matter of knowing that we have the power to transform our lives and manifest whatever it is that our heart's desire if we truly believe that we can.
Of course, we have to be easy on ourselves and understand that there is always a learning curve. We will always experience challenges along the way that will encourage us to grow, change and evolve. But the key here is to allow ourselves to be excited and inspired by these challenges for growth rather than to be worn down. Use the challenge as fuel for your inner fire rather than by dumping water filled with fear on it.
3. Connect to your inner miracle worker. In order to really have the love that you desire, you can do a combination of things. For one, you can begin doing a daily affirmation every morning and night where you say out loud to yourself several times something like, "I am attracting the love that I desire into my life," "I am attracting the perfect partner," or "I am unconditional love."
Another option is to do a guided meditation where you visualize yourself connecting to love. In the meditation, you can calm down and focus deeply on the breath. As you breath, begin to envision yourself becoming surrounded by this comforting and loving sparkling white light, you begin to breath in the white light with each in breath and exhale it out through your heart. As you continue to breath, you become a part of this loving white light more and more.
Do this meditation on a daily basis in order to get re-centered and connect to the love that you desire to experience in your life.
Take action now!
In the comments below, share what it is that you desire to experience in your relationships. Deep down in your heart, what is it that would just make your heart soar?
This blog was originally published on JenniferTwardowski.com
Jennifer is a self and relationship coach and teacher. She helps women worldwide create fulfilling relationships and lives by helping their hearts' true desires to become a reality. Click here for her Free Self and Relationship Healing Meditation.