image: photodune
Divorce is expensive, not only in money but in concessions. What you negotiate now will govern your life for years to come.
Ladies, if you don't already think like the following woman does, start now.
Guys, if the following woman is any indication of how women approach divorce, then you're all screwed. Learn from her.
My focus as a writer is to help you have a fighting chance during your divorce. I want to help you get your head on straight and impress upon you the importance of education and being smart during this (crucial-to-your-future) period of your life.
What do women know that you should?
The conversation I had recently with a woman going through a divorce made it all too clear. It was interesting to get a woman's perspective and to peek at the analytical mindset she had.
She explained in very concise terms why she wanted a divorce and what she realistically expected from her divorce. She talked about what she was willing to give up, what her absolute deal breakers were and the lasting impact those decisions would have 1, 5 and 10+ years from now.
Most guys say, "I just don't want to be married anymore" and aren't clear on what they want other than just to be free of the marriage. They don't consider how the long-term consequences of their current decisions will impact their future lives.
She created a binder that had color-coded tabs. Each tab represented a different legal reason to divorce with all the corresponding proof to back up each claim. If all this was not enough to get him to settle, she planned on presenting all of this evidence to a judge. This proof included copies of receipts, emails, texts, letters, IP addresses, eyewitness accounts and more.
She also hired a private detective to gather more information and dig deeper than she could on her own. This was a small cost compared to the damaging information she calculated would be uncovered.
She consulted with other women about their divorces so that she could see what they got and how she could improve upon their experiences. She gathered lawyer recommendations, interviewed three of them and got an idea of what she could realistically expect.
She interviewed people who knew her husband was having an affair and through their eyewitness accounts wrote down the dates, locations and circumstances of the alleged infidelities.
She even got a book on divorce and, get this, actually followed the advice she read!
So let me ask you, what do you think her husband's chances are?
I'll tell you what I think, I think he's about to show up to a gunfight with a butter knife.
What about you? What's in your arsenal? If the extent of your bag of tricks involves hiring an attorney, then I wish you luck.
You need to take this seriously. You may not know it yet but you are about to enter the most important, life determining negotiation of your life.
I'm not saying that your divorce needs to turn into an ugly and costly fight. What I am saying is that your divorce will determine how many years you will add to your working life just to recover.
Divorce is expensive, not only in money but in concessions. What you negotiate now will govern your life for years to come.
Trust me, I found out the hard way. I didn't research and I didn't prepare. I didn't talk to other divorced people to learn from their experiences and years later I'm still paying big for that stupidity.
Let's be crystal clear. You will find yourself exactly where you let yourself land. Your divorce will decide if you eat cat food or steak in your retirement. You will look back and either regret or revel in the moves you make now.
So what are the three vital things women know?
LEARN. ADVICE. PREPARE. (L.A.P.)
- Women Learn all they can through books, research and friends.
- Women listen to and actively take Advice from their legal team and those who have been there before.
- Women take all this knowledge and Prepare for their case.
By doing all the necessary legwork ahead of time, they will save thousands in legal fees and help control their future.
Women are willing to put in all the hard work now because they know that during divorce a person has one shot to get the best deal they can.
If they get it right, they just might get to live in the L.A.P. of luxury (or at the very least, better off than you).
Men and Women, here is my call to action for you. Wake up and learn from this example!
I don't side with either of you, rather I side with being smart and prepared.
It's your future.
Al writes more on the things you've got to know about divorce on Divorce Candor