"Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you're pretty sexy and you're taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with."
Carrie Bradshaw (from Sex and the City)
If you're a bright, attractive and eligible single person, especially in your 20s, 30s or 40s, one of the most frequently asked questions you'll receive is, "How is possible that a fantastic person like you is still single." This may be one of the most frequent questions you ask yourself as you sit at home curled up in bed reading a good book, when you'd rather be with Mr. Right (or Miss Right).
As a single person, interested in finding a great romantic relationship, you may find yourself saying to a sympathetic pal, "What do I have to do to find a great guy (or gal)? I go out with friends, attend parties and socialize on the weekends. It's not like I turn down dates with fabulous men (or women) because I'm married to my career and can't be bothered! And, when I do finally meet someone who seems great, they are either emotionally unavailable or commitment phobic. What am I missing?"
Answer: The truth
Most single people who want a romance/relationship come up with many excuses for why they haven't found a serious love relationship. Some of them are legitimate, but most of them are pure BS.
Worse, those who've failed at finding a great romance often enjoy telling their woes to other single friends who will "go into agreement" with them. The result is a "pity party," instead of a "let's be honest about what's really going on here," party. By being more truthful about the real reasons you haven't found Mr. Right (or Miss Right), you can take control of your life instead of sounding like a victim. If you have an open mind, please consider these reasons why you're still single. If you're willing to make certain changes, marriage will become a far more likely possibility.
1. You may be looking for love in all the wrong places. This is the single biggest reason why you aren't meeting the right person for a committed love relationship. Going out with friends for dinner or stopping off at a pub or bar after work do not qualify as great environments in which to find your dream lover. Even going to a singles party is rather hit and miss. These social efforts can create a false illusion that you're really putting a lot of effort into your social life, but just not meeting anyone you like. But the real problem is that you may be going to convenient places, but the wrong ones for a serious love connection. Often these places bring you in contact with people who have habits and behavior you abhor (like the woman who said, "I go to bars and keep on meeting men who are big drinkers.")
You are only as good as the material you have to work with! In other words, you need to have a larger universe of people to meet who share common interests with you. If you're only socializing with people at general events, it's far less likely you'll find the match you're looking for.
What to do about it: Make a list of 7 activities that are fun or intellectually stimulating. Then, find a social, sports or professional group that does them and join that group. (Make sure the group has people of the opposite or same sex if that's your preference.) For example, tango dancing, ski clubs, political groups, wine tasting, yoga or spiritual groups or a professional associations. Make your quest to find a great partner as high of a priority as it is for you to be successful in your career.
2. Your attitude may be sabotaging your love life. You can always tell a single person who is a victim. You'll hear that person constantly say, "There are just no good men (or women) left. I once went to a talk on being single and the speaker said to the audience, "Where are all the good men?" Someone in the crowd replied, "They're buried in Colma!" (i.e. a city known for its large cemetery). That was a great line for a laugh, but totally untrue. Anyone who says, there are no good men or women around any more because they're married already hasn't paid attention to the statistics. This is the most fantastic time in history to be a single looking for a relationship!
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, there are 112 million unmarried people over age 18 in the U.S., representing nearly 50% of the adult population. That's a lot of single people to choose from.
Here's what Dr. Justin R. Garcia, a CTRD Research Fellow with The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction, at Indiana University said, "While there's nothing wrong with being single, nearly 85% of singles either actively want or are open to being in a relationship. While most single Americans are quite happy, a vast majority are still interested in finding someone to share that happiness with. This is not surprising, as the drive for romantic love is deeply engrained in our biology." He goes onto say, that at any given time, nearly one-third of the adult U.S. population is single. So, there is a constant turnover of people going into and coming out of relationships at all times.
What to do about it: Write down on your refrigerator door: There are 112 million single people in the USA who are single. I am only looking for one of them to have a serious love relationship with me. Develop the positive attitude of a winner: "I can't believe how many available men (or women) there are!"
3. You may be too critical. Most veteran singles have a similar cry, "How come it's so hard for me to find the right guy (or gal) for a serious relationship?" Could it be that you're looking for a perfection that doesn't exist. It's time to bring realism and practicality to the affairs of your heart. If you've been frustrated in your attempt to find a special love relationship, you need to make an honest assessment of yourself and your attitude towards the romantic prospects you're meeting. One question to ask yourself is: "Are you too picky and critical when it comes to selecting a potential mate?"
If your answer is yes, then it may be time to be more accepting of yourself and your own imperfections. By doing so, you'll be more likely to not seek perfection in another person. This will allow you to make an adjustment from what may be unrealistic standards to ones that are more reasonable and attainable. You'll suddenly open up the field of relationship possibilities and find it far easier to meet partners who are compatible and potential mates.
What to do about it: Write down a list of the 7 most important qualities you look for in a relationship. Be honest with yourself about your needs. These are ones that you absolutely must have to be happy with a life-long partner. Then, write down the 7 qualities you don't want in a relationship because they would make you unhappy. Be especially honest when creating this list. Be clear on which qualities you would compromise on and which ones are non-negotiable for you. By being more conscious of your needs, you'll be less likely to choose relationships that will be unsatisfying and more likely to choose ones that could lead to a satisfying partnership.
These three changes could help you go from being a single person to a married one.
Learn how the planets may be affecting you, and whether they may be bringing a relationship into your future - by going to the Free Transit Calculator and entering your birth date. And, if you're curious to learn more about your personal Horoscope and what it says about your love relationships, career, investments and health in: Order your customized Report: Your Horoscope & Future in 2015-16. Or, a report on - Your Love Compatibility.
Larry Schwimmer is an astrologer in private practice. For private consultations, contact him at: Larry@astrodecision.com or go to www.AstroDecision.com
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Larry Schwimmer is president of Astrodecision.com, a San Francisco-based consulting company. The firm uses planetary cycles analysis to counsel individual and corporate clients on picking the "best dates" to make successful decisions of all types: personal, marketing, financial, and political. Schwimmer is an internationally known business consultant, life coach and astrologer (with a Fortune 500 M&A background). Visit his website: AstroDecision.com