The teenage years can be filled with highs and lows. Helping your teen connect to other friends and be more comfortable in social situations can help stabilize them, build their confidence and change the course of their life. Here are my top tips to help Teens feel their most confident for this new year.
TIP #1 – Teach Social Behavior
Being social is a critical skill that needs to be taught and practiced and parents can play a huge role in helping make their children more confident in social situations. Parents need to help children understand the fundamentals of what it means to be a good friend and how to socialize. I help parents by using a tennis match analogy as a way for teens to visualize proper social communication. For instance, “…you talk, you let the other person talk; they ask a question, you ask a question.” Just like someone playing tennis and hitting the ball back and forth over the net. Share about yourself but also ask and learn about others. Sadly, when teens get nervous they either talk too much and monopolize the conversation or they can become so shy that they do not say enough to help engage teens and connect with them. Also use a technique called Role Playing to help them work out any social worries they may be having. If they are nervous about going up to a new person and starting a conversations role play that situation with them so that you can model ways to start and jump into conversations.
TIP # 2 – Help Teens Feel More Comfortable In Their Skin By Fixing What You Can
Helping your child look good can help them feel good. Although many items such as height or hormones cannot be controlled, other items which may be upsetting to teens like acne, having metal braces and even wearing the “wrong clothes” are things that can be easily fixed.
There are tons of skincare products that help teens control acne that can easily be found in any pharmacy or grocery store. Work with your child to see what’s easy for them; maybe it’s a moisturizer with anti-acne properties, for others it’s easier to use a wash, for some boys they want the ease of rubbing a pad over their faces. I tell parents to look out for ingredients that help acne like salicylic acid or benzoyl peroxide. If they want to use something natural, look for products that contain tea tree oil. There are even amazing new products like the Neutrogena light mask that teens can wear at home to get rid of pimples before they start. Clear skin can really boost a teen’s confidence so work with your kids to see what is the easiest tool to fit into their morning or evening routines.
Metal braces are another huge factor that can contribute to making kids feel nervous about going out socially. One of my teen clients recently said to me, “I didn’t smile for three years when I wore metal braces.” That's why I suggest that parents ask their orthodontist about Invisalign clear aligners. The aligners are removable so your teen can eat the foods they enjoy, and they can play sports without worrying about cuts from wires and brackets, and if they have a big important event, they can remove them for that evening.
TIP #3 – Help Them Achieve Social Independence
Communication is so important during these teen years. Asking your child what they like to do, what they are interested in, what they have liked doing or what they may want to do but are nervous doing are great “open ended” questions to help flesh out social outlets. Maybe there is a local soccer club for your son or a photography group for your daughter who loves to take photos. It's important to give teens their space as they age, but it is also important to help teach them to connect to other teens so they can find and build a social network.
Hopefully after teens understand how to communicate and make friends and they have made the changes to feel good in their skin they can learn how to foster this social behavior on their own. Though it may sound like a pain, it is so helpful for parents to play a role in helping keep the healthy connections by driving or carpooling to the weekly soccer games or offering to host a few friends that want to get together.
Some parents think “this is the time I need to pull away,” but many teens need their parents the most during these difficult years as they are finding themselves and their social network.