Anyone that has ever had kids knows toddlers can be completely unreasonable and absolutely impossible. The sayings “terrible twos,” “Xanax threes,” and “toddlers are a**holes” are neither myths or exaggerations. Toddlers can find a myriad of valid reasons to throw a screaming fit. Believe me, sometimes, I can completely relate and wish I could throw a fit too but then that whole adult thing gets in the way. Logically, I know that toddlers are trying to assert their autonomy and are just frustrated because they don’t quite have the skills they need to do the things they want to do or the language to tell you what they want. However, after the third tantrum in less than an hour, I just want to bang my head on a wall. So, in an effort to release the frustration that comes along with toddler tantrums I am sharing just 30 of the millions of reasons my kid has a fit daily…no, hourly…more like every 15 to 20 minutes.
1. She woke up.
2. The covers were on her when she woke up.
3. She said she didn’t have to pee but I made her sit on the toilet and now she is peeing.
4. I watched her pee.
5. She’s not allowed to dump my night cream all over the floor.
6. There is a piece of dust on the floor that she insists is a bug.
7. The piece of dust on the floor is now in her way and she can’t move…at all… until the offending piece of dust has been removed.
8. Her right shoe won’t fit on her left foot.
9. I attempted to help her put her shoe on the right foot.
10. Her feet hurt because her shoes are on the wrong feet but she refuses to change them.
11. The water that she dumped from her cup onto the table managed to fall on her foot and the searing pain is unbearable.
12. I cleaned up the water that she dumped on the table so that she wouldn’t get wet again and there is no more water in the cup.
13. She has on clothes.
14. She is stuck in a very odd position in the shirt that she attempted to take off all by herself.
15. She has to poop and her butt hurts.
16. She doesn’t want to poop because she would be forced to sit still on the toilet for more than a few minutes and that would be the equivalent of torture.
17. She spilled the yogurt that she refused to eat in the first place.
18. Yogurt got on her fingers when she touched the yogurt.
19. I won’t let her have play dough on the rug.
20. Play dough doesn’t taste very good and it’s stuck in her teeth.
21. I played the exact movie she asked me to play but apparently, it was the wrong movie.
22. She locked my cell phone because she attempted to put in the passcode and now it won’t turn on for 5 minutes which she will cry until the moment it comes back on at which point she stops immediately as if nothing happened.
23. She is in immediate need of a Band-Aid for the life-threatening injury that is invisible to the naked eye.
24. We don’t have any Sofia The First Band-Aids.
25. I won’t let her play on the stairs.
26. She can’t reach the dog that is hiding under the bed because she pulled his ears while he was peacefully sleeping in his dog bed.
27. I won’t let her suck toothpaste out of the tube while brushing her teeth,
28. She can’t go to bed naked and must once again be forced to experience the torture of wearing clothes.
29. I wouldn’t read her favorite book for the 10th time in a row because it’s bedtime.
30. It’s bedtime.
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