Of all the trials and tribulations in parenting, perhaps none is as disheartening and just plain disgusting as potty training. Fortunately, many parents have found a place to vent their urine- and poop-filled frustrations: Twitter.
We’ve rounded up 37 funny and too-real tweets from parents about the potty training struggle. Hopefully you don’t wet yourself laughing too hard...
Potty training is a great reminder as to why I didn’t become a motivational speaker.— OutnumberedMother (@OutNumbMother) March 27, 2017
5-year-old: *walks in holding the toddler's training potty* She peed! She peed!— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) January 12, 2018
Me: It's empty.
5: Well, it was full.
You know we are potty training because every time I pee, my toddler screams, 'YOU PEED ON THE POTTY? I'M SO PROUD OF YOU MUMMA!'— Court (@Discourt) August 1, 2014
“Let It Go,” is a pretty great to sing to your child as a potty training song— dadpression (@Dadpression) August 30, 2016
Me: *to my 3-year-old* I'll have you potty trained by preschool— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) June 8, 2017
[a full day of training later]
Me: I'll have you potty trained by college
Potty-training 1st kid: reward chart, underwear, sitting on potty regularly.— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) January 17, 2018
Potty-training subsequent kids: keep them in diapers. Repeatedly sigh and say, "We should probably potty train you, huh?"
Potty training my kid, and I just made up a cheer with the word POOP in it. Burning my college degree later today.— Carrie On, Y'all (@CarrieOnYall) April 12, 2016
Joys of potty training: your toddler pointing at your lady parts, contorting her upper lip into a scowl and going, "Eeyuuuuck!"— Heather B. Armstrong (@dooce) January 20, 2011
Some call it potty training but I’m pretty sure my kid is reviewing restaurant bathrooms for Yelp.— OutnumberedMother (@OutNumbMother) July 27, 2017
My 2-year-old knows the steps of potty training— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) December 28, 2016
But not the order
She pulls down her pants
Then walks across the house to find a bathroom
Today alone 2yo has peed in a bag of popcorn,a toy boat, &on my bare toes- but not in his underwear, so sure, potty training is going well.— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) June 14, 2016
Parenting pro tip: If you're considering repainting the walls in your bathroom, rethink that until your boys are done potty training— Beau Coffron (@lunchboxdad) June 3, 2017
If you don't know what pee socks are, you're probably not potty training a toddler.— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) January 11, 2017
Whoever invented the phrase "shit or get off the pot" clearly was in the midst of potty training. God DAMN, kid.— Linda (@Sundry) January 10, 2011
I found my 1-year-old’s fully-intact apple in her training potty. Either that’s her new hiding place or she has an amazing colon.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) February 23, 2014
Potty training: Because I didn't have enough laundry to do already.— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) January 29, 2018
Bought the kiddo a bag of M&Ms for potty training purposes. So far I've consumed three handfuls. What? *I* went potty.— Jill Krause (@babyrabies) February 1, 2010
Me: Gotta potty train but not sure how to start.— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) December 6, 2012
My Mom: There are videos you can watch.
Me: [stunned silence]
Me: OKAY PERVERT.
I gave my 3-year-old candy for using the potty, and she told me, "Good job."— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) September 16, 2017
Now I'm not sure if I'm training her or she's training me.
If your daughter fetches and hands you clean diapers, is it time to potty train?— La Guardia Cross (@LaGuardiaCross) February 7, 2017
Potty training chairs should come w/charging stations & vending machines for the parents because of how long we have to sit next to it.— Beau Coffron (@lunchboxdad) April 20, 2017
It seems that with boy potty training comes the realization that they can now grab their business thanks to big boy underpants.— Kristen Chase (@thatkristen) May 17, 2009
I keep meaning to potty-train my son but I'm just too busy changing diapers.— Baby Sideburns (@BabySideburns) January 30, 2014
I laughed and I laughed and I laughed at my joke of calling myself a “waste management engineer” instead of a potty training mother. And then I cried and I cried and I cried.— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) January 16, 2018
The prospect of having to potty train my son concerns me far more than having a kid who still wears diapers in high school. So…— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) February 2, 2013
You know you've waited too long to potty train when your kid starts changing their own diaper.— Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) October 28, 2012
"They say children learn by example, even for potty training."— Marl (@Marlebean) September 30, 2016
-I explain to my horrified neighbor as my son and dog poop on the lawn
I’ve been trying to potty train my toddler.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) January 25, 2016
She just made eye contact with me while she pooped in her diaper.
She’s the alpha now.
Nothing says "potty training a toddler has made me emotionally unstable" quite like kicking an empty training potty down the basement steps.— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) September 6, 2017
Potty Train Your Child In 12 Easy Years— A Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) July 27, 2015
How's potty training going?— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 10, 2015
I just cleaned poop out of my 2-year-old's hair.
Her. Fucking. Hair.
I just tickled a potty-training toddler.— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) September 10, 2017
So yeah, I know danger.
Thank goodness for potty training reward snacks. I don’t know how I'd be able to keep teaching my kids if I didn’t keep rewarding myself.— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) January 2, 2018
Loud auto-flush toilets make potty training a breeze. The breeze is what you feel when your toddler runs screaming from the restroom, tho.— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) August 7, 2017
Me: I can solve all our potty training problems.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) August 26, 2016
Wife: We're not teaching our 2-year-old to go in the yard.
Me: The dog learned in a day.