Songwriters have long described love in many ways: “crazy,” a “many-splendored thing,” “pain,” “a losing game” and, of course, “strange.”
But no one has ever said love was “normal,” so why should your Valentine’s Day gifts be?
HuffPost Weird News has scoured the world looking for romantic gift ideas that reflect the weirdness that probably made your Valentine stick out to you from all the, ugh, normies.
Trust us: Nothing says love like sexy Cupid costumes, E.T.-shaped vibrators or cream-filled beavers.
Bouquet Of Roses Sandwich Board
Sure, you could give your Valentine a bouquet of roses. OR you could just turn yourself into a bouquet by wearing a sandwich board. The decision seems obvious.
Underwear With QR Code That Links To Sexy Playlist
Sure, sexy underwear gets people in the mood for love, but these ball-hammock-pouch underwear add to the romantic atmosphere in a very sound way. The underwear pattern is actually a QR code that links to a romantic playlist when scanned.
Titanic Door Raft
Think of all the role-playing fun you and your Valentine will have reenacting the final scene of "Titanic" on a raft made to look like the famous door. Will Rose save Jack this time?
Advertisement
Naughty Cupid Costume
Wear this naughty Cupid costume on Valentine's Day and it won't just be arrows pointing at you.
Combination Razor And Vibrator
A razor that doubles as a vibrator? Now that's cutting edge!
Lexi Luna Sex Doll
Sure, arranging a date with porn star Lexi Luna would be a great Valentine's Day gift for anyone. But she's probably busy on the nights you're planning. Not to worry because you can purchase this sex doll of the adult performer and keep it around the house.
Advertisement
Cum Face Duel Pump Action Penis Game
Looking for an activity that will get your Valentine pumped? How about a party game in which players try to out-pump the other in order to see who makes their plastic penis erupt first? I thought so.
Penis-Shaped Charcuterie Board
You may think this sounds nutty, but this penis-shaped charcuterie board is sure to arouse attention from your Valentine.
This Bud's For You Gift Set
Some people like flower buds, others prefer Budweiser. With this gift set, everyone's happy!
Advertisement
Porn Film Scripts Autographed By Adult Star Siri Dahl
Looking for some sexy reading material for your Valentine? Well, you could get them a script from a classic porn film like "Accidental Double-Date," "The Yes List" or "Steam Bath Switch" that is autographed by star Siri Dahl.
Underwear That Shows Teddy Bears Humping
Surely, there is no underwear pattern sexier than one that shows teddy bears in various acts of physical pleasure. Yes, I'm willing to die on that hill.
Sexy Cupid Costume
Granted, this is definitely a sexy Cupid costume, and it's sure to make your Valentine quiver -- no arrows necessary.
Advertisement
Cream-Filled Beavers
Look: Your Valentine is either into cream-filled beavers or they aren't. These beavers come with two types of cream filling: Rum truffle and Champagne creme. Damn.
Vibrating Love Hamma
Think of how excited your Valentine will be when you take this vibrator from your tool chest and say, "It's hamma time!"
Pussy Pops
A lollipop in the shape of a woman's sex organ might not seem to be in good taste, but it sure tastes good.
Advertisement
Snore-Reducing Pillow
Sure, flowers and candy are great Valentine's Day gifts -- especially in the early throes of the relationship. However, established couple know it's the little things that count in love -- such as purposely using a pillow designed to reduce snoring.
Single, Married and Divorced Wines
Relationships can drive you to drink, no matter your relationship status. Luckily, this wine company makes it easy with bottles made for those who are "Single," "Married" or "Divorced."
Wine Bottle That Looks Suspiciously Like A Sex Organ
Sure, wine is a sexy drink, but most bottles lack sex appeal. That's not the case with this wine bottle, which looks suspiciously like the male sex organ.
Advertisement
Gold-Plated Prostate Massager
If your Valentine enjoys both anal pleasure and luxury, a gold-plated $2,500 prostate massager is the way to go -- no ifs or ands but definitely a butt about it.
Fleece Blanket Of X-Men Making Out
If your Valentine's sexual fantasies involve the Marvel Cinematic Universe, then they will find this fleece blanket of X-Men members Rogue and Gambit making out really hot.
Grenade-Shaped Male Vibrator
Looking for a penis vibrator for your Valentine? This one shaped like a grenade is truly the bomb.
Advertisement
Rose Bottle Bong
Sure, wine is divine, but a bong made from a wine bottle will surely light your Valentine's heart on fire.
Extra Finger Dildo
There's something unique about this dildo. I just can't put my finger on it.
Heart-Shaped Splash Pool
Wading into romance can be daunting, but it's a lot easier when you're jumping into a heart-shaped splash pool.
Advertisement
Alien Sex Toy
Does your Valentine find sex toys alienating? Well, maybe they will find a little something extra(terrestrial) with a vibrator shaped like an E.T.
Fertility Applicator
You know the old poem: "First comes love, then comes marriage, and then comes Mary with the fertility applicator."
No, it doesn't rhyme.
No, it doesn't rhyme.
Pot Nugget Pillow
Everything is going to pot these days -- even pillows!
Advertisement
Spider-Man And Mary Jane Sculpture
Just being able to open yourself to another person emotionally is a heroic act. This collectible statue of Spider-Man and Mary Jane will remind your Valentine that great romance comes with great responsibility.
Rose-Shaped Suction Vibrator
Roses are undeniably beautiful, but they don't last long and they make lousy sex toys -- oh, the thorns!
This rose-shaped suction vibrator manages to convey the beauty of the flower while giving a little something extra.
This rose-shaped suction vibrator manages to convey the beauty of the flower while giving a little something extra.
Romantic Rolling Papers
Does the thought of expressing your true emotions to your Valentine get you all out of joint? Maybe it's better if you say those loving thoughts using these romantic rolling papers.
Advertisement
Naughty Nudes Coloring Book
Your Valentine will be tickled pink to receive a coloring book that is really "blue."
Offensive Crayons
So you decided to get your Valentine that naughty coloring book. Well, now you should pair it with some properly kinky crayons.
Cannabis Sex Lube
Using a cannabis sex lube with your Valentine might just might add some THC to your love life: Titillating Hot Copulation.
Advertisement
Heart-Themed Custom Ice Cubes
Sometimes it's easier to express yourself with ice cubes than words. When that happens, these silicone ice cube molds are there to help you get your heartfelt message across.
Chocolate Sparkling Water
If your Valentine is sweet on chocolate but not so much sugar or solid food, they will probably find this Jelly Belly Chocolate Sparkling Water to their taste.
Pre-Made Gelatin Shots
Drinks and dessert sound like a fun Valentine's Day option, but if you're short on time, combine them in the form of pre-made gelatin shots.
Advertisement
Lip-Shaped Bath Bomb
If a warm bath is your Valentine's idea of bliss, this lip-shaped bath bomb will truly be the bomb.
Support HuffPost
Support HuffPost
Already contributed? Log in to hide these messages.