37 Bizarre Valentine's Day Gifts That Will Woo The Weirdo In Your Life

Everything from sexy Cupid costumes and E.T.-shaped vibrators to cream-filled beavers.

Songwriters have long described love in many ways: “crazy,” a “many-splendored thing,” “pain,” “a losing game” and, of course, “strange.”

But no one has ever said love was “normal,” so why should your Valentine’s Day gifts be?

HuffPost Weird News has scoured the world looking for romantic gift ideas that reflect the weirdness that probably made your Valentine stick out to you from all the, ugh, normies.

Trust us: Nothing says love like sexy Cupid costumes, E.T.-shaped vibrators or cream-filled beavers.

Bouquet Of Roses Sandwich Board
Sure, you could give your Valentine a bouquet of roses. OR you could just turn yourself into a bouquet by wearing a sandwich board. The decision seems obvious.
Underwear With QR Code That Links To Sexy Playlist
Sure, sexy underwear gets people in the mood for love, but these ball-hammock-pouch underwear add to the romantic atmosphere in a very sound way. The underwear pattern is actually a QR code that links to a romantic playlist when scanned.
Titanic Door Raft
Think of all the role-playing fun you and your Valentine will have reenacting the final scene of "Titanic" on a raft made to look like the famous door. Will Rose save Jack this time?
Naughty Cupid Costume
Wear this naughty Cupid costume on Valentine's Day and it won't just be arrows pointing at you.
Lexi Luna Sex Doll
Sure, arranging a date with porn star Lexi Luna would be a great Valentine's Day gift for anyone. But she's probably busy on the nights you're planning. Not to worry because you can purchase this sex doll of the adult performer and keep it around the house.
Cum Face Duel Pump Action Penis Game
Looking for an activity that will get your Valentine pumped? How about a party game in which players try to out-pump the other in order to see who makes their plastic penis erupt first? I thought so.
Penis-Shaped Charcuterie Board
You may think this sounds nutty, but this penis-shaped charcuterie board is sure to arouse attention from your Valentine.
This Bud's For You Gift Set
Some people like flower buds, others prefer Budweiser. With this gift set, everyone's happy!
Porn Film Scripts Autographed By Adult Star Siri Dahl
Looking for some sexy reading material for your Valentine? Well, you could get them a script from a classic porn film like "Accidental Double-Date," "The Yes List" or "Steam Bath Switch" that is autographed by star Siri Dahl.
Underwear That Shows Teddy Bears Humping
Surely, there is no underwear pattern sexier than one that shows teddy bears in various acts of physical pleasure. Yes, I'm willing to die on that hill.
Sexy Cupid Costume
Granted, this is definitely a sexy Cupid costume, and it's sure to make your Valentine quiver -- no arrows necessary.
Cream-Filled Beavers
Look: Your Valentine is either into cream-filled beavers or they aren't. These beavers come with two types of cream filling: Rum truffle and Champagne creme. Damn.
Vibrating Love Hamma
Think of how excited your Valentine will be when you take this vibrator from your tool chest and say, "It's hamma time!"
Pussy Pops
A lollipop in the shape of a woman's sex organ might not seem to be in good taste, but it sure tastes good.
Snore-Reducing Pillow
Sure, flowers and candy are great Valentine's Day gifts -- especially in the early throes of the relationship. However, established couple know it's the little things that count in love -- such as purposely using a pillow designed to reduce snoring.
Single, Married and Divorced Wines
Relationships can drive you to drink, no matter your relationship status. Luckily, this wine company makes it easy with bottles made for those who are "Single," "Married" or "Divorced."
Wine Bottle That Looks Suspiciously Like A Sex Organ
Sure, wine is a sexy drink, but most bottles lack sex appeal. That's not the case with this wine bottle, which looks suspiciously like the male sex organ.
Gold-Plated Prostate Massager
If your Valentine enjoys both anal pleasure and luxury, a gold-plated $2,500 prostate massager is the way to go -- no ifs or ands but definitely a butt about it.
Fleece Blanket Of X-Men Making Out
If your Valentine's sexual fantasies involve the Marvel Cinematic Universe, then they will find this fleece blanket of X-Men members Rogue and Gambit making out really hot.
Grenade-Shaped Male Vibrator
Looking for a penis vibrator for your Valentine? This one shaped like a grenade is truly the bomb.
Rose Bottle Bong
Sure, wine is divine, but a bong made from a wine bottle will surely light your Valentine's heart on fire.
Extra Finger Dildo
There's something unique about this dildo. I just can't put my finger on it.
Heart-Shaped Splash Pool
Wading into romance can be daunting, but it's a lot easier when you're jumping into a heart-shaped splash pool.
Alien Sex Toy
Does your Valentine find sex toys alienating? Well, maybe they will find a little something extra(terrestrial) with a vibrator shaped like an E.T.
Fertility Applicator
You know the old poem: "First comes love, then comes marriage, and then comes Mary with the fertility applicator."
No, it doesn't rhyme.
Spider-Man And Mary Jane Sculpture
Just being able to open yourself to another person emotionally is a heroic act. This collectible statue of Spider-Man and Mary Jane will remind your Valentine that great romance comes with great responsibility.
Rose-Shaped Suction Vibrator
Roses are undeniably beautiful, but they don't last long and they make lousy sex toys -- oh, the thorns!

This rose-shaped suction vibrator manages to convey the beauty of the flower while giving a little something extra.
Romantic Rolling Papers
Does the thought of expressing your true emotions to your Valentine get you all out of joint? Maybe it's better if you say those loving thoughts using these romantic rolling papers.
Naughty Nudes Coloring Book
Your Valentine will be tickled pink to receive a coloring book that is really "blue."
Offensive Crayons
So you decided to get your Valentine that naughty coloring book. Well, now you should pair it with some properly kinky crayons.
Cannabis Sex Lube
Using a cannabis sex lube with your Valentine might just might add some THC to your love life: Titillating Hot Copulation.
Heart-Themed Custom Ice Cubes
Sometimes it's easier to express yourself with ice cubes than words. When that happens, these silicone ice cube molds are there to help you get your heartfelt message across.
Chocolate Sparkling Water
If your Valentine is sweet on chocolate but not so much sugar or solid food, they will probably find this Jelly Belly Chocolate Sparkling Water to their taste.
Pre-Made Gelatin Shots
Drinks and dessert sound like a fun Valentine's Day option, but if you're short on time, combine them in the form of pre-made gelatin shots.
Lip-Shaped Bath Bomb
If a warm bath is your Valentine's idea of bliss, this lip-shaped bath bomb will truly be the bomb.
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Before You Go

Weird Valentine's Day Gifts 2022 (NSFW)
Box Of Chocolates Costume(01 of 30)
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Forrest Gump once said that life is like a box of chocolates because you'll never know what you'll get. However, if your Valentine wears this chocolate box costume in front of you, you are probably going to get lucky. (credit: HalloweenCostumes.com)
Baloney Face Mask(02 of 30)
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Of course, you want to look your best for your Valentine. And, of course, that may mean wearing a face mask made of baloney. Or not. (credit: Oscar Meyer)
Chocolate Lobster(03 of 30)
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No one can be crabby when they get a one-pound chocolate lobster for Valentine's Day. (credit: BixbyChocolate.com)
Splashes Heart-Shaped Eyelash Thingies(04 of 30)
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Feel like lashing out at your Valentine? Well, the safest way to do that may be with these heart-shaped eyelash jewels. (credit: ShopSplashes.com/)
Pink Ghostface Doll(05 of 30)
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Trying to scare up a little loving? How about this cute little stuffed doll of Ghost Face from "Scream"? The doll's face is pink, so you know it's gotta be romantic. (credit: Fun.com)
Rose Petal Pre-Roll(06 of 30)
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Hardest part about dating a stoner on Valentine's Day? Figuring whether to give them roses or weird. This pre-roll made from rose petals will allow you to spilff, er, split the difference. (credit: Insa.com)
Light-Up Butt Plug(07 of 30)
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Putting something shiny in a place where the sun don't shine might seem counterintuitive, but this light-up butt plug might be able to double as a flashlight if you drop something in the middle of the night. (credit: GoodVibes.com)
Red Rose Costume(08 of 30)
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Sure, you can give your Valentine roses or you can BE the rose. (The choice is yours. I'm agnostic on this). (credit: HalloweenCostumes.com)
Cocktail-Flavored Jelly Beans(09 of 30)
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Liquor and candy are both popular V-Day gifts, but if you're having trouble choosing, cocktail-flavored jelly beans may be the perfect choice. (credit: JellyBelly.com)
Sexy Shower Art(10 of 30)
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When your Valentine sees this lovely piece of art in their shower, they will have one glorious thought: "Thank God, they didn't give me an fucking NFT." (credit: UglyBaby.Shop)
I Only Have Eyes For You Ugly Valentine's Day Sweater(11 of 30)
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Ugly sweaters aren't just for Christmas anymore. In fact, this "lovely" ugly Valentine's sweater would double for Halloween as well. (credit: Fun.com)
Dildo Sword(12 of 30)
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Looking for the perfect gift for that Valentine who still isn't over the end of "Game Of Thrones"? This dildo sword will certainly arouse their interest. (credit: GoodVibes.com)
Book Of Your Old Text Messages(13 of 30)
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Love letters just aren't the same now that people are texting each other all the time. However, the Keepster allows a loving couple to save all those heartfelt messages of amore, like "LOL," "TTYL" and, of course, "Send nudes." (credit: Richie Kulchar for Keepster)
Sexy(?) Tongue Scraper(14 of 30)
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Your Valentine may take your breath away, but it will be a lot fresher if they don't have a mouth full of bacteria. Hence, the loving gift of a tongue scraper. (credit: Gunkii.com)
Attachment That Turns Bath Faucet Into Sex Toy(15 of 30)
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There are times when you might not be able to be there for your Valentine. When that happens, there's the "WaterSlyde," a technological marvel that turns a bath faucet into a sex toy. Brings new meaning to the term "getting wet." (credit: Lovabilityinc.com)
Vulva Candle(16 of 30)
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A vulva-shaped candle is a hot Valentine's Day gift. How so? Well, maybe it can be used as a visual aid for clueless guys? (credit: DropDeadCandles.com)
Cannabis Leaf Waffle Iron(17 of 30)
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You probably knew breakfast in bed is a great V-Day gift, but were you aware that waffles taste even better when shaped like marijuana leaves? (Note: The preceding sentence is not backed by anything that might be considered "factual evidence.") (credit: SCSDirectInc.com)
Booby Pillow(18 of 30)
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Keeping abreast of the latest trends in bedding isn't always the most titillating activity, but this booby pillow should soften the heart of even the grumpiest Valentine. (credit: BoobyPillows.com)
Puppy Panties(19 of 30)
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Is your Valentine doggedly pursuing you? What a surprise when they finally get intimate and see you wearing a pair of panties featuring the face of a black lab.
"Any particular reason?" your Valentine might ask.
"Oh, just an icebreaker," you will inevitably reply.
(credit: Shinesty,com)
Fuckit Bucket Necklace(20 of 30)
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Nothing says "loving Valentine's Day gift" than a "fuckit bucket necklace." Yes, this is the hill I will die on. Thanks for asking. (credit: FuckItBucket.co/)
CMY Cubes(21 of 30)
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People like flowers because of the bright colors, but they fade so quickly. What to do? Well, the CMY Cube has all the colors of flowers in a plastic square that will last long after the petals fall off all those bouquets sold on Valentine's Day. (credit: CMYCubes.com)
Vajayjay Onesie(22 of 30)
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How can a guy show he's an ally to women? Well, a onesie featuring a vagina pattern is definitely a choice. (credit: JupitersArt.com)
Matching Whipped Cream Thong And Hammock Pouch Undies(23 of 30)
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Whipped cream and sex sounds good in theory, but dairy topping loses its appeal after a few minutes. You can get all the thrills with none of the clean-up by wearing a whipped cream hammock pouch or thong. (credit: Shinesty,com)
Britney Amber Interactive Stroking Device(24 of 30)
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Buying sex toys for a Valentine can get touchy, but this "interactive stroking device" endorsed by porn star Britney Amber is reportedly perfect for the person who, according to the web page, likes "nubby, bumpy, massaging patterns." Of course, that means being aware of your Valentine's favorite "nubby, bumpy, massaging patterns," and not everyone is ready to have that conversation. (credit: Kiiroo.com)
Care Bear Ugly Valentine's Sweater(25 of 30)
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If your Valentine happily wears an ugly sweater featuring a Care Bear, they will probably do anything for you. I mean, anything. (credit: Fun.com)
Personalized Pencils That Can Also Be Planted(26 of 30)
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Yeah, you could give your Valentine flowers, but have you ever tried to write a grocery list with a tulip stem? Doesn't work. That's not a problem with this bouquet of Sproutworld pencils — and when the pencils are down to the nub, you can plant them and get a little bit of greenery in the house. (credit: Sproutworld.com)
Really Expensive Butt Plug That Could Double As A Postmodern X-mas Tree In A Pinch(27 of 30)
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This really expensive butt plug is not just a sexy gift for Valentine's Day, but it can double as a post-modern Christmas tree 11 months from now. (credit: Schoenstaub.com)
Vulgar Valentine's Day Cookies(28 of 30)
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Studies show that people who swear are more honest, so what could be more sincere than Valentine's Day cookies with foulmouthed messages? (credit: GPBakeShop.ca)
Motorbunny Sex Toy(29 of 30)
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Sure, $1,000 for a sex toy might seem extreme to some, but, look at the bright side, it can also double as a hat rack. (credit: Motorbunny.com)
Mixology And Murder Cocktail Recipe Book(30 of 30)
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If your lover is a true-crime fanatic, they will be dying to try all the different cocktails in this book that were inspired by shocking murders, cold cases and secretive cults. The victims may be dead, but romance obviously isn't. (credit: UlyssesPress.com)
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