I am a huge fan of Grey’s Anatomy. I love the thrills and climatic ups and downs of each episode. I love how each character will selflessly give of themselves to heal a patient. However, every now and then one patient will come into the ER who is truly in medical trouble, captivating the emotions of the viewers as if they are a part of the medical team themselves. After the patient has “coded” or taken a turn for the worst, the doctor will perform CPR, exhausting every option to save the patient until the patient flat lines or the hearts shows no electrical activity. Then, the most sobering moment comes to a head. They have to “Call it!” —“it” being the time of death.
In juxtaposition, relationships can often mirror devastating medical situations. Sometimes we as people and as lovers, find ourselves in situations that are not responsive and have “flat-lined.” When this happens, the only thing we can do is, “Call it!” In my personal and professional experience, there are four irrefutable signs that foreshadow that a break up may be on the horizon. Let’s explore what they are:
1. Consistent Miscommunication – Did they really say that? The first relationship vital sign that flat lines during the preamble stage of a break up is communication. Both parties are so concerned with expressing their feelings that neither is clearly processing what the other has to say. If both took a moment to process the other comments, they would find that they are both seeking and saying the same things.
There is a saying in the sales profession that says, “Listen to the Customer to understand their needs, not to make your point.” We have all been there before. We are so busy listening to defend our position that we fail to hear what is truly being communicated from the other party. Consistent miscommunication is typically a major sign that the relationship is a point of break up. Miscommunication during this time shows that we more concerned with getting our point across that we take little regard for what our partner has to express.
Tip: Take a moment and listen to understand and process what the other person is expressing to you.
2. Heightened Irritability – Have you ever been to a point where you become so overwhelmed and frustrated by anything your mate does. Why do they always leave the lights on around the house? Why did they take the car, and not put gas in it? Did he leave the cap off the toothpaste again? Is she really going to buy dinner for herself, and not ask if I wanted anything?
Does any of this sound familiar? I know it does to me. Before a break-up, everything that your partner does may make you angry or irritate you. It’s not that they didn’t do those things before, it’s just that you had more grace for it before this point. One thing for sure about a relationship is that a person’s actions are normally routine and because we are trying to “Work on our relationship” or “We are in love” we dismiss those actions in hopes they will change over time.
My Friend shared with me one of the best nuggets of advice when it comes to relationships, “Negative behaviors that are allowed to happen will more than likely repeat.” Since we didn’t effectively address our concerns for the nuisance in the beginning, it has snowballed into a huge issue during the break-up stage.
Tip: Tactfully address any concerns that you have in the beginning of the relationship. It could prevent you being irritated during the dating process.
3. Decrease in Intimacy- By definition the word, intimacy means being close with or being in a state of familiarity. As it relates to relationships, intimacy is craved connections facilitated by both parties. When things start getting rough, often the craving desire that you have for the other person decreases. Doing things with your mate become more routine, and the excitement of displaying intimate actions become a chore. Sexually, one may find themselves entertained by others, and less likely to seek attention from their mate. When it comes to intimacy in a relationship, if you notice a decrease in this department, you had better get busy preparing to either repair the relationship or call it off. It is tough for any relationship to progress without intimacy. In fact, this is a huge red flag and should be addressed quickly.
Tip: Intimacy is a major part of any relational infrastructure.
4. Declaration of Independence – Have you ever said, “I would rather be alone, than stay in this relationship.” I have said this myself. Truth be told, most people leave relationships long before they have physically departed from them. You have to be highly conscious of yourself during the dating process to ensure that you are still engaged in the connection. When you discover yourself drifting further away from your mate, and would rather be by yourself than in the relationship…you may be heading toward separation.
Tip: It’s okay to “call it” when you are not in it.
Let’s be honest, break-ups suck—period. However, it is important that you are aware of what the signs are before that time comes. True, no one wants to have to end a relationship that they thought would last, but unfortunately, breakups are a part of the dating process and must be prepared for just as much as the relationship itself. Most people jump into relationships haphazardly totally consumed by the feelings of the connection that they lose sight of the intended purpose of the relationship. Just as in Grey’s Anatomy, sometimes we have to “call it” and move forward in healing.
Jai Sneed is a dedicated Dating and Relationship Coach. It’s his life’s work to be a resource of Empowerment and Motivation to Singles and Couples in the SGL/ LGBT Community. Jai is the Founder and President of STAG Singles Professionals Events Firm that provides its members with the Dating Resources, Singles Mixers/Events, also Seminars necessary to achieving their goals in Life and Love. Contact Coach Jai Sneed at email@example.com