Words become our world. The way we speak to ourselves, to others, our loved ones and our pets, have a powerful impact. Just recently, I was in a hospital learning integrative medicine and being surrounded by the most brilliant artists and philosophers, who also happen to be doctors from around the world. It was intense and challenging to take in, but the environment was grand. They spoke of changing the world, projects they’re working on, patients they’ve helped heal from incurable diseases, theories of health and wellness, living to their highest potential. I was moved to create, write, get to doing on all the projects I had in my heart. And then I returned to the real world.
Within one week of being back home, I noticed how down our society is on itself, its people and how contagious that negativity can be. The phrases come in different shapes and sizes, intensities and languages, but I could feel a downgrade each time I heard them. These four phrases are the ones I’ve heard the most, though I believe there are a ton more. Check them out, see if you’re guilty of uttering them and commit to make a change.
I’m Sorry: We live in a society of sorries. I’m not referring to the heartfelt apology that emerges when you’ve wronged or truly hurt someone. I’m talking about the “I’m sorry to bother you” or “I’m sorry, I didn’t know this restaurant was closed”. There is even something called the “Sorry Syndrome” and it affects women more than men, as we are nurturers who want to please everyone. Sorry is engrained in us from early on, since niceness equals likability. Saying sorry too often can make us appear submissive, leaving space for people to take advantage of us. It can also lower our self-worth and justify others actions. Some of the main reasons for ‘Sorry Syndrome’ is lack of self-esteem, self-doubt, seeking outside approval and powerlessness. There are many other reasons that “sorry” emerges, but these are the main ones. If you want to change, start by tallying up the amount of times you say sorry in a day. Then recognize when it comes and ask yourself if it’s is valid. If not, attempt to find the right words to relay your message. If you bump into someone say ‘excuse me’, rather than ‘I’m sorry’. If your roommate takes out the trash because you forgot, just say “thank you” and go on with your day. Being a chronic apologizer, I know how much of a challenge it can be, but like everything else, just make the decision, stick to it and keep on trying.
I Can’t: As a gymnast, I would have to do 20 pushups if I ever uttered the words “I can’t”. That expectation motivated me to change quickly and is something that I’ve carried with me to this day. “You can do anything” is one of my life mottos. Watch your words and see how often you choose to say “I can’t” over what you really mean. If you don’t want to do something, then say that. It’s a lie otherwise. Start telling the truth and it shall set you free. You can actually do anything you choose to do, so start there, replace “I can’t” with “I choose not to”. Or train your brain to try with “how can I”. It is super uncomfortable at first, but super powerful once you get into the rhythm.
It’s Hard: It is unbelievable how many times I’ve heard this one in the past week. Particularly from myself. I keep saying “It’s hard to lead and do a 10-day Real Food Reset, when there are so many good restaurants”. Hard was living with my father when he had Alzheimer’s or getting through PA school after being assaulted at gun point. Those things were truly hard, but I did it. We’ve all overcome hardships and lived to tell about it. Hearing this from mothers who want to stop drinking alcohol, I say, “You’ve given birth, you’ve raised children (you’ve been a single mom, in an abusive relationship, etc.), but giving up the bottle is hard?” They usually laugh and realize the silliness of that statement. If you’ve identified something as hard, celebrate your willingness for the challenge. Then make a choice, ask for help, figure it out and don’t give up until you do. Or do give up and start over. No one is keeping tabs on you except for you.
I Don’t Know: I always respond to this one with “you do know”, because I truly believe we always do know. The more you say this phrase, the more you brain believes it. It’s a safe phrase, like the rest of these. This one may be the most detrimental because it knocks your intuition. Intuition is something that should be honored, not pushed aside. We also say this when we want to be accepted or fit in. Fear is another one. We sometimes say “I don’t know” because we’re afraid to make a choice or decision. Try using “I’ll find out”, “why don’t we ask [name or the internet]” or “I’m going to meditate on this and get back to you” or “It’s really none of your business, so I’m not going to answer you”. We often say it at the end of a story when we don’t have a conclusion or we’re seeking for advice without an outright question. In this case, I’ll reiterate, you do know, you just have to believe it.
If you put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and life. There are no limits, there are only plateaus and you must go beyond them. - Bruce Lee
The way we talk to ourselves is one of the most determining factors to success, which is why I’m crazy about the words I choose. So much of our lives and challenges are about perspective. Our brains cannot decipher between real and imagined, so when we use these phrases and negative words, our mind believes them. Our mind believes everything we feed it, so provide it with overflowing plates of possibility, hope, positivity and love.