By Katie Parsons for GalTime.com
Some first dates are supercharged with sexual attraction. Between the nervous energy and physical interest in each other, it can be easy to let things get out of hand when it comes to the sexual after party. But no matter how you feel in the moment, jumping into the sack with a basic stranger is never a good plan.
There are a lot of reasons to wait to be intimate -- especially on the first date. Even if all you want is a one-time hookup, consider these four consequences before giving up the goods right away.
You can't take sex back.
Once the deed has been done, that's it. You can refuse to return the person's phone call the next day, or break up with him or her later on, but what happens between the sheets can't be reversed. Sleeping with someone on the first date, or too early in the relationship, can lead to regret and cause you undue drama.
You don't know your partner.
No matter how many times you've combed your new date's Facebook page for information or grilled mutual friends about his or her background, one dinner together is not enough time to get to know anyone.
Ask yourself, "Is this person worthy of having my body?" Sex is a gift to a worthy recipient, says Dr. Ava Cadell, sexologist and author of NeuroLoveology. "You simply can't control what the other person is thinking or will do after you have sex; you can only control yourself."
You most likely aren't prepared.
Most people don't go out on first dates expecting to have sex -- and the ones who do are probably people you should avoid anyway. If sex isn't part of the prior thought process, the chance of having condoms on hand is reduced, and other birth control methods probably haven't been discussed. It's also highly unlikely that you'll cover your sexual history while getting acquainted over dinner -- at least not in a full disclosure sort of way.
The sex is empty.
While some people swear that they're able to separate emotions from the primal, physical act of intercourse, the human brain simply isn't wired that way and people can't control how they'll really feel after the act.
"Sex is different for everyone and it really depends on the person's intentions," said Dr. Cadell. "Even people who believe they want something like rebound sex can end up feeling more than they anticipated and then get hurt."
Dr. Cadell gives the following guide for knowing the right time to introduce sex in a relationship:
- When you know the reason why you want to have sex.
- When you understand your body.
- When you can control your emotions.
- When you can talk about sex before having sex.
- When you can talk about your feelings before and after having sex.
- When you know the other person's sexual history.
- When you have FDA-approved condoms on hand.
- When you know you won't have any regret after having sex.
- When you know the difference between love, intimacy and sex.
- When having sex is a consensual agreement between adults.
It's doubtful that any of these points (except for maybe the condom one and the last one) are even possible on a first date. "There's no way to guarantee that you won't get emotionally attached, even if it's with the intention of a one-night stand," said Dr. Cadell. "Until you're able to honestly talk about sex, you really shouldn't be having it."
Do you have personal standards for when you have sex in new relationships?
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