In life, not everyone is blessed with the genes of athleticism. Hard work and the right mindset can to a certain extent make up for lack of natural talent, but this is rarely seen. Sometimes, no matter how competitive, driven, or smart a person is, playing a sport is just something they really shouldn't be doing or pursuing.
However, with the numerous activities available to the public, it is my belief that there is a sport for all people who stink at sports. Heck, in my high school, students can earn a varsity letter -- a coveted token usually reserved for students participating in culturally normalized activities deemed as a "sport" -- through joining our show choir or orchestra.
With the definition of a sport being broadened every day, I set out to examine all sports and found multiple that any average Joe, or un-athletic math genius, can not only participate in, but win, too.
Dodgeball: This game may sound dangerous at first, since after all it does entail getting giant balls chucked at your head. The key to this game is to find one of the better players on your team and shadow their moves. When I say shadow, I mean stand behind them mimicking their every move and using them as a shield. In my experience, you do not have to throw a single ball to be good at dodgeball.
Unfortunately, there is a downside to this technique, which is that you could end up being the only one left and thus have to unveil your awful aim and inability to throw a ball at the opposing players left.
In this case, I would go for the sacrificial lamb award. Duck and cover until only a few of your teammates are left and then sacrifice yourself in the most dramatic way you can think of to allow the better players to win the game. Your teammates will hail you as a hero and being good at a sport will be one more thing you can check off of your bucket list.
Squash: This is a great option for those cut from tennis, baseball, even basketball and football. The best part about this sport is that no one really knows what it is. It's a great answer for trivia, but you don't hear all that much about it other than the periodic confusion of it with paddle tennis.
To play, four white walls in a small court surround two to four people. The point is to try to hit a small rubber ball flying all over the place back and forth against an opponent until one person or team misses. In such a tiny court and with such a tiny ball, it is easy for anyone to look like a fool playing this game.
Chances are some of your friends will have no clue what they have gotten themselves into if you invite them to play, and everyone will be terrible together.
Ping-Pong: Playing ping-pong takes more luck than skill. The super light and hollow ball makes it easy for anyone to whack it way past the table if they are not paying attention. This game can be frustrating and many people can lose all hope of becoming skilled at it.
Hence, a better version of it is beer pong. All you have to do is throw up a little prayer and toss the ball in the direction of the opposing cups. Yes, it gets harder when there are only one or two cups left and aim is slightly more important than people believe, but many of my friends attest that they get better after playing a couple of games.
Whether this is from increased alcohol consumption or an inflated ego, both seem to work for people who would never make it in the NBA.
Bowling: Side bumpers or an open gutter, bowling is also a game of luck. It, of course, helps if players have a little bit of aim, but there are many ways to distract from one's lack of aim and hand-eye coordination.
For example, the manner in which the bowling ball is tossed can be altered dramatically. One can roll the ball from between their legs, or lie down and shove the ball from their chest straight at the standing pins.
You can roll the ball between your legs standing backwards or merely use your weak hand to switch things up. Why, one may ask, would anyone want to do such ridiculous things?
Think of it this way: if you start doing goofy techniques with the bowling ball, then others will follow. This will then take all eyes off of the score and turn the game into a fun night out with friends.
In short, it is a distraction from one's awful athletic ability. And, these different manners of bowling can actually result in strikes, spares and less gutter balls. As a natural lefty, I have found I can uncannily bowl just as well and sometimes better using my right hand instead of my left.
With this list of sports complete, I wish all participants who really should not be participating, the best of luck. Sports are hard, but so is school, art, work, and pretty much everything else in life.
Although winning is everything these days, try to enjoy the little accomplishments of games and always have fun. That way you can at least become a better person if you fail to become a winner.
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