While I was in the grips of my eating disorder, I did everything in my power to make it seem like I didn’t have a problem in the world.
On the outside I did my very best to appear cool, calm and collected.
But, on the inside I felt like I was smack in the middle of a battleground. Feelings of depression, anxiety and inadequacy were fueling the behaviors that had become my crutch to get through each day.
I shared my struggle with no one after well intended helping professionals encouraged me to stop judging myself for working toward a healthy lifestyle. Assuring me that if I were actually suffering from an eating disorder, my weight would be much lower.
So, I remained silent.
I didn’t want to appear as weak, struggling and in need of intervention and support. The last thing I wanted to be perceived as was flawed- and imperfect.
Despite hiding the emotional toll from the people I loved, there were some external signs that I was struggling.
Unfortunately, in a society that has a disordered and extreme definition of health, is obsessed with thinness and doesn’t speak openly about mental health struggles, the signs that there was something deeper at play were often dismissed and even, at times, praised.
- Obsession with exercise was often applauded, because dedication.
- Rigidity around food was glorified, because willpower.
- Emotional upheaval was minimized because of a “normal” BMI.
To the untrained eye, it can be difficult to spot when someone’s struggle with food has taken on a life of its own- and when someone is caught up in a painful emotional battle with food and their body.
And those of us who struggle or have struggled with disordered eating and body image know that the drive for perfection, the all or nothing thinking and the belief that it’s not really “that bad” can keep us silenced and stuck in a place of suffering, but paradoxically, desperate to find a way out.
As a therapist in private practice who specializes in body image and disordered eating, I help caregivers and support systems of people struggling with eating disorders walk the road to recovery alongside them.
And, I’m committed to helping people identify warning signs that someone in their life may be struggling.
Eating disorders hold the highest mortality rate of any other mental illness. Which is exactly why early detection and intervention is key to helping people recover and live full lives outside of their illness.
Here are 5 warning signs that someone could be struggling with disordered eating.
1. They tell you that they’re struggling with their relationship to food.
Eating disorders don’t discriminate based on size or gender.
It’s often assumed that someone has to be a certain size or gender to suffer from an eating disorder, which can’t be further from the truth. If someone opens up to you and shares this vulnerable side of themselves, don’t diminish their struggle. Encourage and support them to seek treatment from an eating disorder specialist.
2. Adherence to a rigid eating and/or exercise regimen.
Eating “safe” foods that are typically low calorie, meticulously monitoring calories in vs calories out, denial of physical hunger despite food consumption, the inability to stray from their “plan” without experiencing emotional distress and abnormal rituals with food are signs that someone is struggling with disordered eating.
3. You’ve noticed that they’re socially isolating.
It’s common for people struggling with food and body to forego social situations, especially situations and celebrations that involve food. If you’ve noticed that they’ve been withdrawing from important people in their life because of their workout schedule, or arriving to social gatherings timed to avoid food exposure, they are likely in need of support.
4. They’re obsessed with their weight and size.
If conversations are centered around their next diet, their need to lose “x” pounds, how “bad” they were over the weekend, having to undo “damage” that was done, or cyclical and distressing thoughts about their body shape and size, it’s likely they’re struggling with disordered eating and body image.
Speak up. It could save the person you care about years of struggle.
Sometimes it takes a friend or a family member to recognize and put into words that something doesn’t seem right for someone who is battling disordered eating to acknowledge that they have a problem and to seek help. The support of family and friends throughout recovery is so important.
Show them love and concern by demonstrating compassion and acceptance. Encourage and support them to put themselves first by seeking treatment from a trained team of professionals.
To find a eating disorder specialist in your area, or to speak with a trained eating disorder helpline volunteer, visit https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org.
Sarah Herstich is a therapist in Horsham, PA specializing anxiety, body image and disordered eating. For more information visit her website at www.sarahherstichlcw.com.