45 Things You'll Never Hear Most Men Say

A bearded man frowns with a questioning look
A bearded man frowns with a questioning look

It goes without saying that men and women are different in infinite ways. And it goes without saying that women can be a bit more verbal about how they are feeling. Of course, this is not always the case, but it does seem to be more of the norm. These differences are not necessarily bad things, but they are rife with opportunities for humor. Here are 45 statements that (most) men would never randomly say.

1. I am really craving a bowl of hot soup.

2. I feel ridiculously bloated!

3. Why does that scale hate me?

4. Why are your clothes all over the floor?

5. Why can't you put the seat down?

6. I got that outfit on the best sale of the year.

7. Who colors their hair that color?

8. I have nothing to wear.

9. Chocolate makes me feel happy and complete.

10. Let's watch a chick flick.

11. Did you see what she was wearing?

12. Grey's Anatomy is so awesome.

13. That's profile-picture-worthy.

14. I need to tweeze my eyebrows in here for the best lighting. (Said from the car.)

15. I could wear pajamas all day.

16. Let's watch Steel Magnolias... again.

17. Wow, I really need a pedicure!

18. Saturdays are for reading People Magazine cover-to-cover.

19. I don't think I drank enough water today.

20. I am so PMS-ing!

21. Slippers feel like clouds on my feet.

22. Does this make me look like I worked out today?

23. I could watch HGTV all day.

24. I hate all of my clothes!

25. Let's put a sweater on the dog and take pictures.
26. I could use a hug.

27. Not sure what I'd do without my flat iron.

28. My best friend is being a bitch today.

29. I'm addicted to Pinterest.

30. That bug is freaking me out!!

31. I'm having a really bad hair day today.

32. Where do you hide the chocolate?

33. I could tell my Mom anything.

34. Do you think that either of the Property Brothers is secretly gay?

35. I just color-coordinated the clothes in my closet.

36. I forgot why I walked into the kitchen.

37. Maybe you just need a good cry?

38. I hope an Apple Store never comes to our mall.

39. Let's have a spa day!

40. Sure, buy as many black shoes as you want!

41. These sports commentators never say anything original.

42. I don't know how to accessorize this outfit.

43. What color would make this room pop?

44. I'm doing my Kegels right now.

45. I used my foot to flush that toilet.