About a year ago, I read the hilarious Jason Good's "46 Reasons My Three Year Old Might be Freaking Out." After reading this, I thought it would be funny to do a similar list, only told from a preschooler's perspective. (Don't worry, I ran the idea past Jason, and he was cool with it.) Many of these I have experienced firsthand; others I'm not 'fessing up to personally -- like Jason, we'll just call them educated guesses. I know I can't do the original justice, but here you go:
46 Reasons My Mom or Dad Might Be Freaking Out
1. I'm constantly freaking out about something. OK, anything and everything.
2. I'm eating my boogers. And my sister's.
3. I ate an entire box of Raisinets while mommy was in the shower.
4. I have explosive diarrhea and it's getting on everything.
5. I keep touching my explosive diarrhea.
6. I've spilled my milk for the sixth time today. And it's not even lunchtime yet.
7. I'm chewing some gum I found stuck to the chair at the Walgreens pharmacy.
8. I've started modeling my behavior after Caillou.
9. I took off all of my clothes 30 seconds before we were supposed to leave for daycare.
10. I ate the last Samoa Girl Scout cookie.
11. I took a permanent marker to the couch.
12. I won't stop blowing a whistle.
13. I dunked daddy's phone in a big glass of iced tea.
14. I ran out into the parking lot chasing a leaf.
15. I puked all over the dog.
16. I accidentally called 911 from mommy's cell phone. Again.
17. I flooded the bathroom while giving my dinosaurs a bath.
18. I spilled nail polish on the beige carpet.
19. I'm drinking milk from a sippy cup we lost four days ago.
20. I'm playing in the cat's litter box.
21. I trapped my brother in the dryer and now he's stuck in there.
22. I smeared peanut butter and jelly all over the TV screen.
23. I fed my 8-month-old brother some rocks.
24. I locked my mommy out of the house.
25. I'm not sure if that's chocolate or poop I just smeared on my sister's shirt.
26. I kept pushing buttons and erased a month's worth of stuff on the DVR.
27. I ate one of those packets I found in a shoe box.
28. I keep sneaking sips of water from the bird bath.
29. I put my finger in the cat's butt.
30. I left the freezer door open and no one noticed for a few hours.
31. I ripped the pages out of mommy's first edition of Where the Wild Things Are.
32. I keep shouting "penis" as we walk through the grocery store.
33. I like to put coins in the car air vents.
34. I pulled all of the stuffing out of one of the couch cushions.
35. I shoved three peas up my nose and one in my ear.
36. I deleted daddy's Clash of Clans account.
37. I threw my shoe out of the car window.
38. I kicked my dad in the nuts.
39. I snuck a diaper into the washing machine.
40. I keep trying to use a plastic bag as my superhero mask.
41. I stepped on the CD that had all of the pictures from our vacation on it.
42. I pulled off all of the tops from the Keurig k-cups.
43. I thought my mommy's hemorrhoid cream was an acceptable alternative to toothpaste.
44. I smashed all of my goldfish into my car seat and then dumped my apple juice on top.
45. I keep teasing my sister and making her scream. Because I can.
46. I found some funny-looking toys in mommy and daddy's bedroom.
So, what's on your list?
This post was originally published on Mackenzie's blog, Raising Wild Things. You can also find Mackenzie on Facebook and Twitter.
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