At my son Ryan’s 12-month check-up, I brought an iPad to the pediatrician ’s office. I knew that this particular visit would include shots, and by this time, so did Ryan. My son was already aware that needles were the enemy. So, in effort to keep him calm when his shots were about to begin, I started playing some music from an app on my iPad.
Now, I wasn’t sitting there blasting Kayne West—I started with “The Wheels on the Bus” and had lined up a few other nursery-rhyme favorites. When the music started, however, the pediatrician looked at me like I had just handed my 1-year-old a beer. With unmistakable condescension he said, “I’m going to state on the record that AAP does not recommend screen time for children under the age of two and you should consider other ways to calm your child.” At this point, like all good mothers, I was hit with a number of feelings all at once: first and foremost, a wave of guilt (of course), then anger at the pediatrician (how dare he judge me?!), then back to guilt again (how does mom-guilt always win??).“Crap,” I thought. “WTF am I doing?!”
To be honest, I hadn’t known what the exact rules or recommendations were regarding screen time at the time, but I had an idea. Needless to say, the songs did help—they mitigated his wailing by about 50%, and within seconds after the last shot, he was quickly distracted with, “If you’re happy and you know it.”
After the visit, I decided that rather than continue to beat myself up, I would do some research on these recommendations. I realized that my views on screen time, and the way I incorporated screen time into my son’s life, did not differ that greatly from the spirit of the AAP recommendations. To note, AAP just changed their positioning (October 2016) and their most recent recommendations stress “No Solo Screen Time,” and for babies younger than 18 months, screen time is not recommended at all.
Based on the original recommendations and the most recent ones, here are a few thoughts worthy of sharing:
1. Screen time should be limited to under two hours a day. I agree! Because here’s the thing, TWO HOURS IS A LOT!!! I don’t plop my son down on a couch and just turn the TV on for the sake of doing so—first of all, he wouldn’t sit still for more than 30 seconds and second of all, unless it engages him, he wouldn’t give a hoot. What you show your kids is equally as important as how much time they spend watching. When I discovered YouTube, I realized the world of nursery rhymes and children’s songs—in a variety of versions—available for education purposes and entertainment. Not only did my son enjoy listening, he paid attention and learned the words of the songs by 20 months.
2. Screen time should be broken up. Again, we are in complete agreement. I use screen time in small intervals throughout the day: in the morning when I’m prepping our breakfast or in the evening when I’m prepping dinner. I also bring the iPad along if we’re going to be in the car for more than 30 minutes, or if we’re eating dinner out at a family friendly restaurant. By doing this, I’ve limited screen time to approximately 30 minutes at a time and no more than 1 hour on most days. The bonus is when I do offer it, he’s interested in the music and it keeps him engaged – because it is not always constant.
3. Kids are supposed to use their imaginations. I totally agree. However, not all kids are the same. For my son, I believe his imagination is stimulated—not stifled—by exposure to these YouTube channels and songs. Before his nap and before his bedtime, when he has about 15-30 minutes to settle down, he is singing songs or chatting with his stuffed animals about these songs. In fact, his stuffed animals are included in the songs: “Daddy Teddy, Daddy Teddy, Where Are You?”
4. Screen time shouldn’t replace family time. No argument here! Screen time is not supposed to replace family time or the time spent by a caregiver. Hopefully, you have a system set up whether you’ve hired a caregiver, selected a daycare, organized extracurricular activities, or scheduled play dates. But, when those things aren’t available for a period of time, and you need to get yourself together, a few minutes of screen time is fine. (Other acceptable times: when you’re overwhelmed, unwell, or need a pee break!) If you’re doing the best you can, and need the occasional assist from screen time, so be it.
5. Screen time could cause childhood obesity. I even agree with this—unlimited screen time, particularly if it replaces physical activity or social interaction, could cause obesity. However, if that’s not the case, then screen time should not be labeled a bad thing. It can be a contributor to obesity, but surely not the SOLE cause—and certainly no more a cause for concern than portion control, inexpensive fast food, and a world full of added sugar. With the growing rates of childhood obesity, it’s a reality check that as parents we should build healthy behavioral and lifestyle strategies for incorporating activity into each day. But let’s be realistic about parenting—just like your child can have the occasional trip to McDonald’s without becoming obese, your child can enjoy limited screen time and it wouldn’t be the worst thing. In fact, screen time should be treated like fast food—an occasional and limited treat.
So when I reviewed all the facts, I realized the following:
Screen time educates my child.
Screen time allows me to sip on the occasional hot cup of coffee instead of coffee that tastes like a mug full of lukewarm river water.
Screen time keeps me sane for at least five minutes.
Screen time helps me leave the house in an organized way.
Screen time provides fuel for my son’s imagination.
Screen time doesn’t hinder his physical and social activity.
I wanted to call his pediatrician and explain myself but I realized it’s not worth a lengthy discussion. Instead, I found a pediatrician who was more supportive of my views. Parenting styles differ just like kids’ personalities, so I preferred a pediatrician that would engage in a conversation before barking judgment. By the next visit, we were at a new pediatrician ’s office and I was able to Ctrl+Alt+Del this incident—and the mom guilt—from my brain.