Your knees buckle when he walks into a room. You light up like a Christmas tree when you see his number calling your phone. Finally, you, the divorced girl met a great divorced guy you want to date forever!
BUT, how do you know if your divorced guy is a keeper? Here are 5 divorced guys you don't want to date. These are the men you want to avoid more than the co-worker who sits next to you who has a bad cold. Trust me, and RUN from these men!
1. The jumper: You've known this man for one month and he's already asked you what kind of ring you want. He's telling you he loves you every thirty seconds, and he talks about your future together in the suburbs with your minivan and three kids each. One word: psycho. I am constantly amazed at how many men and women jump so quickly into relationships! Minimally, you should date someone for a year, (all four seasons) before deciding anything about your future. What's the rush? Slow down! Chances are, if the jumper is jumping into a serious relationship with you, he's done it with other girls. BEWARE.
2. The Drinker: When people go on dates, it's very common that they drink alcohol. Both people are nervous, both are trying to relax, and both want to appear to be fun and happy. So, yes, alcohol helps. That said, watch out for the guy who orders 5 drinks on your first date, and then does the same on every date after that. He might have a drinking issue that will rear its ugly head later on in the relationship. Drinking is okay, but there's a difference between drinking for fun, and an addiction. Recognize it! And one more thing about drinking, please don't drink and drive. Ever!
3. The liar: I once dated a man who told little white lies all the time. Early in our relationship, I heard him on the phone with his friends. The friends called to see if we wanted to go out for dinner with them that night. My guy told them that he wasn't feeling well. The real reason we didn't want to go is that we were tired and had been out every night for four nights in a row. We just wanted to relax. So, I said to him after he got off the phone, "Why did you lie? Why didn't you just tell the truth?" He seriously had no answer. Over time, I caught him in lie after lie after lie. I should have known from lie number one that he was trouble. Little lies became bigger lies. Liars aren't smart, and eventually, their lies catch up with them. Having someone who is honest and upfront with you means everything. Honestly!
4. The negative guy: The weather's bad. The market's down. He hates his job. His family's bugging him. Everything is perpetually doom and gloom for the negative guy. He's awful to be around, always complaining, and criticizing. He's also cynical when it comes to anyone who bears good news. Here's my advice. Break it off, or you will catch his negative attitude, which in my opinion is a horrible disease!
5. The control freak: I can't resist referring to my beloved book (I'm being sarcastic), Fifty Shades of Grey. Christian Grey made me sick in many ways, the biggest way being that he was a complete control freak. I can't believe how many women like the guy! In the story, he got angry with Anna because she was going to visit her mother without him! He controlled everything she did, from her clothing and makeup, to what she did with him in bed. Sorry, what made a thoroughly entertaining book is NOT healthy in the real world. Girls, don't let your guy control you. You are an independent, smart, successful woman, and you can make your own decisions.
Here are the keepers:
1. The lover: The lover is affectionate, he holds your hand in public, he kisses you just for nothing, he scratches your back or rubs your feet after a long work day, and my favorite, he plays with your hair.
2. The giver: He's the guy who will bend over backwards for you. He'll give you help when you need it, and he's always asking how you are. He knows about what's going on in your life because he cares enough to ask. And, because he's like this, so are you. So, in effect, he's bringing out the best in you.
3. The loyalist: This guy isn't in the relationship just for fun and happy times. He stays with you when you are ill, or when someone close to you dies. He's there, not just for happy hour, but he'll stand by if you get fired from your job. Don't take loyalty lightly. It's hard to come by.
Jackie Pilossoph is the author of the blog, Divorced Girl Smiling. She is also the author of the comedic novel, FREE GIFT WITH PURCHASE. Ms. Pilossoph is a weekly business features reporter for the Pioneer Press, with the monthly column, "Heart of the North Shore." She lives in Chicago with her two kids. And she's divorced (obviously.)