1. On Match.com
"Match.com will bring more love to the planet than anything since Jesus Christ."
2. On Marriage
"I see people my age...getting married to people they've known for like a year and a half. A year and a half? Is that enough time to get to know someone to know you want to spend the REST of your life with them? I've had sweaters for a year and a half and I was like 'What the fuck was I doing with this sweater?'"
3. On Online Dating
"I once met someone who found his wife by using Match.com and searching-- and this is a direct quote-- 'Jewish and my zip code.'...that's how I would go about finding a Wendy's."
4. On Finding Happiness
"If you've held someone you love and watched three to ten hours of a critically acclaimed drama, you've experienced the peak of human happiness."
5. On Finding Balance
"Spend more time with people, less time in front of a screen, and--since we're all in it together--be nice to people."