“Changing Exhibits: Walk In”
1. Be the adult in the Room
Now is a time to be a grown up. There are moments when you don’t get to be the one wringing your hands, or the one bristling with fury, you have to be the one who acts with a clear head. You’ll have to act with a clarity of vision, and a depth of foresight, when calamity occurs, and it will occur. This is not a time for “shooting from the hip,” but for something deeper, a soulful maturity that weighs the costs, and then acts.
As a clergyperson, I’ve been struck by those who are the adults in various rooms I’ve encountered, in tragic situations. I’m always impressed by the adults, the people who stand up and get to work doing the thing that needs to be done in that moment, when others are stuck. The adults in the room are those who step up to leadership— and it is a step up— it’s an active posture that says, “Count me in,” even when it’s tough, even when it will cost you physically and emotionally. Be the adult in the room. Step up to challenges instead of blaming others for how the challenge emerged. Find the next steps, so that you can lead others who need to find the next steps too.
I will forever be grateful to first responders, doctors, nurses, those who jump in during an emergency, grateful to and for those everywhere who step up to leadership when it is needed most. This happens every day all around the world. For example, I think of the FSIL Nursing Students in Leogane, Haiti. These nursing students, in a community with no functional hospital, stepped into the void, after the 2010 earthquake. They provided healthcare and emotional support for a community cut off from the rest of the world. They stepped up.
Be the adult in the room. You may not be thanked. Your largesse of character may not be seen, but it is vital. Every great leader, everywhere, has to have a cutting edge, a place of growth, a time to step up to what is difficult but essential.
2. Ego has to take a back seat
We all love to be loved. This is part of human nature. However, this desire for our ego to be stroked can get in the way of our best leadership efforts. Do you want to be liked more than you want to do the right thing?
It’s a struggle to wrestle down our egos. This is a hard lesson, a difficult one to fully implement, but you can watch for warning signs that tell you that you’re acting out of ego, and not out of best intentions. If you find yourself boasting, not listening to what others are saying, but rather waiting to insert your ideas/information, if you’re trying to impress? That’s ego hard at work.
You want to leave a lasting legacy, and ironically enough, ego damages your chances of such a legacy. Look at all the world’s great leaders and you’ll find that humility was key to their success as a leader. They knew their feet were made of clay. A Serbian proverb says, “Be humble, for you are made of dirt. Be noble, for you are made of stars.” Humility will pave your way forward far better than being bombastic. Loud only goes so far. Humility knows when it’s time to sit in front, when it’s time to take the backseat, when to talk, and when to resist speaking.
After the Second Battle of Manassas, Abraham Lincoln wrote this to a friend, “I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had no where else to go. My own wisdom and that of all about me seemed insufficient for that day.” You’ll have days like this, do not rely upon your own strength. Discern when you’ve reached your limits, when you need to ask for help.
3. We stand on the shoulders of those who came before us
Find heroes from the past that inspire you, both women and men. There are people who were visionary, they could see changes and transformations that were needed long before others could. Look at their lives. Gain inspiration from their lives.
Find living heroes today that knock your socks off with their courage. Then, in a moment of quiet, really think about how you’re connected to this river of time, this long current of people who arrived here on earth, gave what they had to give, and left us with more than they’ll ever know. Confucius died thinking he was a failure. The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. didn’t know that mid-sized cities would have major thoroughfares named “Martin Luther King Drive.” These two didn’t know how far and wide their influence would travel.
Look to people who inspire you, and learn from their lives. This has to include people outside of your family, outside of your circle, outside of your race or religion. Martin Luther King Jr. was inspired by someone very different from him, in exterior ways, Mahatma Gandhi. Look and listen for tales of courage. Heroes exist today, they’re living in your community, even as we speak. There are people who live with great bravery, and we do well to note them as we live. We do well to thank them for their example.
4. Exercise compassion
Compassion is not weakness. Compassion is, actually, strength. Can you try to feel what others feel? Can you put yourself, momentarily, in another’s shoes and try to see how the world would look if you were her, or him? Compassion helps you understand, and if you can understand others, you’ll be a better leader. Leadership, in the end, is not about you, it’s about them...whoever it is you’re leading. It’s time to understand who “they” are.
5. Watch your language
Don’t be a bully. The world has had enough bullies to last lifetimes. Use language that uplifts people and does not demean them. Making fun of others only makes you look smaller, less capable. All the people you are not— all those whose heritage, gender, ideologies are different than yours— treat them with respect. This is a sure sign of strength, not weakness, to see in the other something worthy of respect. Language plays a key role here, how you refer to people, which words you do and do not use.
Remember, too, that small children are watching you. We discount small ones in our midst. We think they aren’t catching on, but they do. They hear impassioned speech and listen intently, even if we think they aren’t. Look at the example of Pete Seeger, who was blacklisted in the late 1950’s and early 1960’s for refusing to answer questions about his beliefs and associations. To make a living, Seeger worked as a music teacher in schools and summer camps, along with traveling the college campus circuit. Those who sought to silence him gave him one of the best audiences he could imagine, all these young people, sparkling and shiny with the future written all over their upturned faces.
These are the ones Seeger got to teach. Children are listening. Inspire them. Don’t dismiss them.
In the end, we’re all connected, all marching to the grave, and what we do here? What we do here matters. Don’t do business as usual, aspire for more, aspire to be greater than you are, aspire to inspire. Make good use of your time, do no harm, with the help of others, work beyond your capabilities, work to be a great leader. Frederick Buechner wrote, “for all the river of the years bears off,” and leadership, as you experience it, as the river of time bears off, you’ll step up, you’ll see beyond, you’ll know your place, and you’ll grow. Godspeed.
© Susan Baller-Shepard