Father's Day gives us a much needed opportunity to thank our dads for all the things they've given us, including the lessons they've taught us. My dad died 12 years ago from liver cancer, and it has taken me some time to glean the lessons I needed to from his life and death. But today those lessons feel more salient than ever.
My dad's name was George, and he was kind of a hellion. He was hilarious, charming, and a mechanical genius-- he could fly planes, race motorcycles, build boats, all of it. He was also a bit of a raging alcoholic and had some anger issues. But flaws and all, my dad taught me some very valuable lessons. Those lessons made me who I am today, and I'd like to share them with you.
1. The Ability To Read Other People
The first thing that I got from growing up with my dad was a keen sensitivity to other people's internal states. It was like I had hyper-sensitive antennas that could pick up on the subtle emotional states of everyone around me. While that was rough at times growing up, it has served me well in the long run. All of my professional endeavors-- being an actor, and then an acting teacher, and now a meditation teacher-- have a requirement of being highly adept at reading people's energies and knowing what they need and when. I wouldn't have that if I didn't grow those antennas as a child.
2. You Choose How You Learn Your Own Lessons
Watching my father go through alcoholism and then cancer taught me that you can learn your lessons on three different levels: spiritually, psychologically, or physically. It is fastest, cheapest and easiest to learn them on the spiritual plane. You think learning to meditate is expensive? Try therapy. Think therapy is expensive? Try cancer.
When the diagnosis of liver cancer came, I wasn't surprised. Gutwrenchingly sad, obviously, but not surprised. Alcohol is far from great for your liver, and according to Chinese medicine and Ayurveda we hold our anger in our liver. So a lifetime of that led to the physical manifestation of disease. My father didn't have the tools to heal on the spiritual or psychological planes, so sadly his symptoms showed up on the physical plane.
That incident, good or bad, right or wrong, was the thing that started me on an upward spiral of healing myself and my own body. I learned that the body is a perfect accountant, and that every single thing that we eat and every single thought we think is being registered in our bodies. Our bodies remember every time that we eat Taco Bell or get drunk or don't get enough sleep; there's no get out of jail free card. So we have to invest in ourselves, and our bodies will return on that investment.
3. People Will Forgive You A Lot Faster If You're Funny
My dad also taught me that humor will lighten most situations. Now, I'm not suggesting that you just laugh off everything that you've done wrong, but if you've genuinely done something that you feel like you need to make amends for, humor and lightness will speed that process along.
4. Practice So Hard That People Will Pay To See Your Worst Day
This is something that my dad used to say, and that's always stuck with me. Any of us would pay money to see Michael Jordan's worst practice, or to see Meryl Streep's worst rehearsal, and this is the bar that we want to hold ourselves to in our own endeavors.
5. You Can Learn From Someone After They've Passed Away
The last thing that my father is still teaching me is that you can learn from each other even after someone isn't on this physical plane anymore. As a matter of fact, I think my father and I have worked out more since he passed than we could have with him still in his body. Because then you don't have so much attachment to the the ego and the history of the relationship. Instead, it's just energy and connectedness and you can access the person whenever you want and they can access you whenever they want. So it's a more fluid way to communicate, and things can move faster there.
It's a powerful notion to realize you can still learn from each other after this chapter has closed. I'm still learning from my father every day, and the beautiful thing is that I have the opportunity to apply what I've learned to my own life so I can continue to grow and evolve. And for that, I'm endlessly thankful to my dad, now and always.
Happy Father's Day, George. I love you.
Emily Fletcher is the founder of Ziva Meditation and zivaMIND, the world's first online meditation training