My husband will spend hours late at night polishing and cleaning the interior of my car and then thinks I'm ungrateful when I don't get excited about it. I acknowledge that it's a nice thing for him to do but I don't actually care so much about my car being that clean. I would much prefer to spend Quality Time with him talking face to face.
After reading the 5 Love Languages we have discovered that we have been speaking completely different love languages to each other. When he's busily tinkering with things outside the house I am inside feeling mildly abandoned and wondering why he doesn't want to spend time with me. It turns out that he has spent years and years trying to fill up my love tank by doing things like cleaning my car and fixing things. My husband's primary love language is Acts of Service and my love language is Quality Time. Craig's second love language is Words of Affirmation. I know this because he is always complimenting people wherever we go.
Children have love languages too! My husband walks into the house after work and our eldest child shows him that he's made his bed. The second child gives him a picture she made at school. The third child wants him to help with Lego construction.
My eldest son's love language is Acts of Service. This was very easy to spot as he is the first to do jobs for us and when he needs help he gets very upset if nobody offers a hand. After reading the 5 Love Languages I know that to fill this child's love tank I must do things for him which is pretty easy. I am his mother after all!
My middle child's love language is Gifts. She loves to make little cards and presents for family and friends. She will wrap a toy in a tea towel as a present for me. Now I know that giving her gifts shows her that I love her. Gifts can be simple things like a flower from your own back yard or symbolic. Yesterday she was really not wanting to go to school so I got a cotton ball from the bathroom and sprayed some of my perfume on it. I told her to pop it in her pocket and sniff it whenever she wanted to and she would know that mummy's love would be with her. Her love tank was full and her demeanor switched from depressed to confident and she happily went off to school.
Although I think our youngest child's primary love language is also Quality Time he seems quite keen on Touch also. He always wants a tummy tickle at bed time and is reluctant to go to sleep without it. When I asked him what he prefers it's clear that it's Quality Time.
If you don't share the same love language with significant people in your life and you aren't aware that you even have a love language then tanks could be running on empty. Resolve to fill as many tanks as you can before it's too late! The 5 Love Languages is a quick and easy read and really explains a lot about our most intimate relationships. In our home we have created a signs to remind us how to fill up each other's love tanks. I am so impressed by this book that I will be giving it to my nephew on his wedding day. The 5 Love Languages could benefit anyone who is in any type of relationship be it friendship, romantic or otherwise. If you don't want to read the book there is an easy online quiz you can take for yourself or your child.