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Whenever I tell people that I have absolutely no desire to bear children, a unified gasp emits through the room. Eyes bulge simultaneously with mouths agape, as if I just informed them that I’m a Putin supporter, or president of the Clubbing Baby Seals Society (For the record, I am not a part of either. Putin is an evil thug; baby seals and other animals, for that matter, should not be killed for sport).
“You mean, like, ever? But you’re so motherly!” A friend of mine exclaimed with an incredulous look. And yes, not now, not ever.
You see, women are automatically assumed to want children, as if squeezing another human being out of a very teeny, tiny hole in our body is the #1 goal in our life and all we were put on earth to do. As if that spawn of Satan, er, baby, is not going to grow up. As if that baby will remain a squishy, cute little thing forever, omitting rebellious teenage years extending into adulthood.
To me, my biological clock is not a ticking bomb about to go off. It’s not rushing me to latch onto a man and hurriedly hump him as if all of humanity, much less my place in society as a woman, depends on it. Women are expected to be the complete package with different hats: business women, perfect wife, and mommy. I say, with a flash of a grin and flourish of my middle finger, “not this woman.” My children include my blooming career, expanding writing portfolio, race completions and, most importantly, food babies. In my life, I don’t see myself with a full blown family and a mini van. I see myself traveling, experiencing new things and crossing off goals on my bucket list.
Alas, there are some common misconceptions about this specific class of women I fall into that need to be addressed. So, without further ado, I will dispel them.
1. We hate kids.
On the contrary, I love kids. I think they’re cute, funny, and their lack of filter creates some priceless moments that no comedian could ever write. On a personal note, I worked as a specialist for special needs children in a camp and bawled my eyes out like a little b*tch on the last day. Again, this doesn’t mean that I want any of my own. Lions are my favorite animal, but I certainly don’t want one for a pet.
2. We are overly selfish.
This point really gets under my skin, as if striving for living the life I want to live is selfish. You know what’s selfish? Getting knocked up with someone not fit to be a father because you want a kid so badly that you don’t care who does the job. That’s not thinking of that child’s future, another life at hand who had no choice in the matter. Now that’s selfish.
3. We will be lonely.
Erroneous. How can you be lonely if you love yourself and are surrounded by supportive friends, family and coworkers? And if you are currently lonely, why is the resolution to immediately get pregnant? Join a running club or something, you weirdo.
4. We will change our minds.
I’m steadfast in my decision, which emerged to me at age 14. Every screaming kid, minute stripped of my independence and financial setback only solidifies this.
5. We are heartless.
As if people who want or have children are immediately canonized and are good people. Or because I don’t want children, I’m automatically a monster. At the end of the day, I know I’m a selfless, good-hearted person, and that’s all that matters. And if you judge me because of my life decision, maybe you should be judging yourself instead.
To clarify, I’m not saying there is anything wrong with wanting to have children. If you do, go for it! But don’t do it because you feel pressured by an endless stream of drooling, giggling babies in your social media feed.
What I’m saying is this: I’m not passing judgment for those that want children, so don’t pass any onto me. Deal? Good.