5 Quick Ways to Become More Likeable

Becoming likeable is a skill -- and like any other skill it can be learned.
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.

You've seen them on TV, you've seen them at work, you've even seen them at the familiar places you visit...

Who am I talking about?

I'm talking about people who seem to always have others smiling and engaging with them, bursting with laughter, and effortlessly making connections with new people.

Do you know what one trait they have that helps all that and more happen?

It's that they're likeable.

Now, at times it may seem like those people are innately likeable and you could never become like them. You might think it's genetic.

Thankfully though, the truth is the exact opposite.

Becoming likeable is a skill -- and like any other skill it can be learned.

Below, you'll discover some ways that'll boost towards your journey of becoming more likeable -- without sacrificing your integrity -- so that you too will be the source of positive energy when you enter your work place or any social setting, and be confident in how people truly feel about you.

Let's dive right in...

1) Become "Personable"

One of the key ways of being likeable is cultivating an appealing personality.

This doesn't mean you become subservient to another; it means you become the kind of person whom people naturally feel good around.

What actions can you take to start this process?

A simple way is for you to use the name of the person to whom you're speaking in conversation. Don't overuse it in, just pepper the person's name from time to time.

That also helps you remember their name.

Here's a tip -- when you're in a conversation with a person, create a game for yourself. The objective will be for you to remember specific details about that person so the next time you see him or her you can spark the conversation with something personal about them.

Doing this will have people felt recognized and seen by you - and that's a feeling every single person will appreciate.

A great story on this...

David Rockefeller, the most powerful banker (and man) in the world for decades, used to travel with a giant dresser-sized rolodex that contained the personal stories and details of everyone with whom he met around the world. Then, when he deplaned anywhere in the world, he could refresh his memory.

2)Genuine Smile

You've felt it before, haven't you?

When you make eye contact with a person and they offer a weak smile out of social politeness - you can feel no sense of true connection, can't you?

If so, then practice on giving people a genuine smile where the corner of your eyes slightly crinkle when you see them. Bring warmth to your smile, not some quick formal flash.

Not only will a genuinely warm smile engage their mirror neurons, it'll also have you appear more friendly, approachable, safe and human.

A genuine smile can not only be felt by others; it can also set the tone of a warm, friendly, positive interaction with others from the very start. It can color your relationship for years to come.

3)Embrace Enthusiasm

Can you remember back to a moment in class...

... and as you're listening to the teacher, you can feel your eyes become heavy, your mind numb, and your entire soul sinking into drowsiness?

Now imagine for a moment someone feeling that while they are talking to you.

Think people will find that likeable? Of course not.

So what can you do?

A simple solution you can do is to inject some enthusiasm into whatever topic you're talking about, or step up your enthusiastic about meeting a new person.

I'm not talking about being a kind of social cheerleader just to try to pump people with energy.

What I mean is what I call "searching for the gem."

That means actively seek something appealing, curious, fascinating, provocative, inspiring or emotionally gripping in any conversation you are having.

Be fearless about diving deeply into that "gem" with the other person.

By you sharing what your enthusiastic about with people that energy will rub off on people and actually invigorate them. They'll feel important in your eyes -- which is a profound bonding moment.

Be an excavator of "gems."

You'll be amazed what you discover about a person.

And you'll likely find that you have more in common than you could ever have imagined.

4)Palms Up

When you're talking to people do you use your pointing finger a lot?

I ask because that gestures such as using your pointing finger during conversation can be read as aggressive and off-putting.

To learn more about this, watch this TED talk by body language expert, Allan Pease,

You'll discover three different gestures you can make with your hands that each give off a different impression whether you're speaking to a group of people or just one person.

One of the gestures he demonstrates create trust while the other two can be a turn off - and trust is crucial in becoming likeable.

5: Say "Me Too"

People crave safety and familiarity with each other.

It's an ancient tribal need and instinct.

Think about it a moment. If you've ever traveled abroad, you'll be thrilled to meet someone from your home area, city, state or country. Even if you'd never talk to them if you met them at home.

That's because we want to feel like we have something in common.

Research shows that saying the simple words "me too!" in response to a confession, admission or revelation in conversation will immediately bond you with someone.

They will feel that it's you and them against the world and feel a deep sense of connection and camaraderie.

Obviously, be truthful with these words to create genuine likeability.

And if you want to know a secret...

The most powerful words you can use to cause a person to like you is to say the simple words to them, "I like you."

Because of how our mirror neurons work and our need for consistency, safety and bonding, there is a wildly likely chance that they will say, "I like you too."

And actually mean it.

Even if they weren't thinking it 10 seconds earlier.

Likeability and rapport are key to all your relationship and success.

Try these practices and enjoy the results.

Best Selling Author, Emmy-Nominated Producer, Screenwriter and Entrepreneur, Adam Gilad leads a community of over 80,000 men and women on their quest to create love and a bold, inspired life. Having served as a Stanford Humanities Center Graduate Research Fellow and host of National Lampoon Radio, Adam blends a bracing mix of research, humor and global wisdom traditions to help men and women break through the habits blocking their ability to open into love and freedom.

He's a regular contributor to Vixen Daily in the Personal Development and Inspiration section.

Go To Homepage