Plenty of individuals share a deep desire and instinctual nature to please people. people-pleasers have a very difficult time saying no to things when asked. As a result, they can harbor incredibly negative emotions and feelings such as resentment towards these people who they feel they need to please. However, learning to say no more often can do wonders for your mental health and sanity. Here are just a few incredible reasons that you should start saying no more often
You Are The Only Person Responsible For Creating Personal Boundaries
The reality is that you are the only one who can create boundaries with others for yourself. In fact, creating healthy boundaries in all relationships, whether they be romantic or friendly, is an important character trait to have. Putting yourself in uncomfortable situations is a recipe for depression and social anxiety. More often than not, all the people-pleasing and fear of not being everything to everyone can wreak havoc in our personal lives. When we stop taking care of ourselves we can’t show up as our best selves for others.As a result, saying yes all the time does not serve us. Therefore, try saying no more often and setting clear and distinct boundaries with others.
You Are Not Responsible For The Reactions Of Others
Oftentimes, people say yes and agree to do things because of fear of disappointing or hurting others. In fact, people-pleasers have a deep rooted fear of being viewed as a disappointment by others. However, wanting to be liked by everyone is simply an impossible task. There are going to be people out there that we simply will never be able to get along with. It is important to always remember that we fare not in control of how people respond to us. We can’t control how people feel about us or whether they like us. We can do all the right things and still come up short with others. It is important that we remember that it is always better to be uncomfortable in a conversation with someone that doesn’t like us than trying to bend over backward for someone who has made up their mind about us.
All Successful People Know How To Say No
We have all read the books of successful people being able to know the proper way to say no. In fact, being able to say no at the right times has catapulted many people into success. Science has even proven that being able to say no can increase productivity because people are able to focus on things that actually serve them versus things that don’t. Therefore, saying no to projects that are not aligned with the vision of our future is an important aspect of any successful person’s journey.
We Need To Leave Time For Rest And Fun
Always say yes to people can deplete the time we have for ourselves. In fact, having time to rest and enjoy our lives is essential for our sanity. We all have passions, hobbies, and creative pursuits that fill us up with joy. However, when we are constantly saying yes to others, we avoid pursuing these passions, desires, and creative pursuits which over time can deplete the happiness and joy we carry within ourselves on a regular basis. Therefore, it is essential that we learn to say no so that we have time to do things that bring joy into our lives.
Balance Is Important In Life
Having a fully-balanced life is the goal for everyone. In all aspects of our lives, we seek balance. There’s the all-elusive work-life balance that gets a lot of flack. Even more, there is a balance that needs to be established with people who tend to say yes to everyone because they fear being seen as anything but helpful. In fact, people-pleasers are known to say yes even when they don’t want to because they worry about disappointing anyone. While peer pressure is all too real, even as adults, cultivating the skill of saying no when the task is something that does not serve us is crucial for our mental health and stability. Finding the perfect balance between saying yes and being a helpful individual is hard for the people-pleaser but something that is necessary to learn to be a well-rounded and happy person.
Although it shouldn’t be viewed as a terrible thing to say yes and help people when they ask for help, it is important to not rely on always saying yes. Sometimes it can be fun to help a friend move to a new place, but if it doesn’t fit your schedule then avoid bending over backward to please a friend. Allowing yourself to consider the effort involved in agreeing to something can help to create a solid balance of being helpful while not attempting to please every single person that asks you for a favor.
Originally written by Zoya Gervis on Unwritten