Sci-fi is possibly the most hit-or-miss genre of film. Done right, it's a thing of beauty: tingling the senses and captivating the imagination. Done wrong, it's cold, tedious, or worse: campy schlock. The below movies fall somewhere in between: interesting enough to be of note all these years later, yet not worthy of universal praise. Methinks they need to be remade -- stat!
Dune
What happens when you take a well-known sci-fi novel and place the film version in the hands of one of Hollywood's weirdest directors? Dune happens. The folks at Wikipedia describe it as such, "A young man foretold as the 'Kwisatz Haderach' attempts to lead the native Fremen of the titular desert planet to victory over the malevolent House Harkonnen." So uh, that clarifies that. Anyhow, it was a commercial and critical bust upon release, with my main man Roger Ebert calling it "An incomprehensible, ugly, unstructured, pointless excursion into the murkier realms of one of the most confusing screenplays of all time." And that was one of the nicer reviews. But beneath this garbled mess is some highly-respected source material. Frank Herbert's 1965 novel nabbed both a Hugo Award in and a Nebula Award, and remains one of the best-selling sci-fi books ever. Bottom line: crank out a better screenplay, lock down a less quirky director, and Bob's your uncle on the remake. Ka-ching!
Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
I've never been one to shy away from my abject disdain for this movie. In fact, I'm thiiiiis close to hosting my own web site dedicated to badmouthing it. Upon its release in 1999, it had one simple job: not to screw up the Star Wars franchise. Alas, instead of taking the righteous path, George Lucas opted to turn the first of the prequels into a racist cartoon video game. Ah, but how different it could have been. Imagine a lean, non-convoluted storyline that didn't involve senate hearings and Trade Federation negotiations. Or a young Anakin Skywalker you didn't want to see sent to his room without dinner. Or, most boldly of all, visuals that actually looked like they belonged several decades prior to Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope. That's right: little-to-none of that awful, phony-looking CGI. Hey, it's not too late. A mea culpa reboot could set things right with disenfranchised fans and generate another billion dollars for the new Disney overlords. It's win-win, baby.
Logan's Run
It's the 23rd century, and society (well, what's left of it) resides inside a giant domed city of sorts. It's pretty idyllic, albeit with one drawback: to prevent overpopulation, residents get killed off in an eerie ritualistic ceremony known as 'Carrousel' (sic) once they turn 30 years old. And if they try to flee the city's confines prior to the big three-oh? Oh, there are dudes -- like our pal Logan -- to track their arses down. It's dystopian, thought-provoking, and pretty darn well written to boot. Unfortunately, the cheesy 1970s effects, wardrobe, and hairdos date things in the worst possible way. Another kick at the can could easily turn this cult favourite into a bona fide blockbuster.
The Black Hole
The Black Hole was released in 1979 during Disney's all-too-brief 'dark' period, where Mickey Mouse & Co. opted for less kid-friendly fare (see the very underrated Night Crossing and The Watcher in the Woods). And with a 20-million-dollar price-tag, it was -- at the time -- the biggest financial gamble in the company's history. The cast was bizarrely eclectic (Maximilian Schell! Anthony Perkins! Robert Forster! Ernest Borgnine! Slim Pickens!) and some of the special effects are rather laughable by today's standards. But the story packs a wallop. As if the possibility of being sucked into a black hole isn't frightening enough, the crew of the USS Palomino has to ward off the not-so-pleasant Dr. Hans Reinhardt and his super-creepy faceless cyborg crew. Plus, the movie's last 15 minutes will give you serious nightmares in the best possible way. With modern-day casting, CGI, and pacing, The Black Hole could easily become the smash hit Disney had once hoped for.
2001: A Space Odyssey
Okay, I know I'm courting some nasty criticism with this pick, but hear me out. Does2001: A Space Odyssey occupy a vital place in the annals of film history? Of course. Does it contain some of the most beloved images ever captured on celluloid? Absolutely. Is it about 45 minutes too long with an ending so pretentious and convoluted you'll be left not just scratching your head but any other head you come across? Lord yes. I'm not saying Stanley Kubrick's movie is slow by our frenetic ADD-riddled 2015 standards (it is). I'm saying it's slow by 1968 standards. Hey, remember that iconic scene where the monkey caveman dude throws the bone up into the air and it match-cuts into the orbital sattelite? What you may have forgotten is prior to that, there's nearly a half hour of us watching a bunch of other monkey cavemen eat, sleep, poop, and whatever the hell else monkey cavemen do. Zzzzz. Remake time!