Becoming a writer has it’s ups and downs. Lately I rallied after my inner critic shot me down in response to a comment I got on a Facebook poster. At a time when I felt like I’d stepped into my most aligned, authentic, badass self, and finally felt a flicker of real self-love for once in my 49 years on the planet it seemed that magical potion was acting as a repellant for some. How could that be? I wondered. Here are 5 tricks I started using to put trolls, negative Nellies and buzz killers in perspective and stop really caring about what other people think of my life so I could get on with healing myself and the world with my words.
“I disagree,” was the comment. That was it. It wasn’t really bad, or mean, or very opinionated. I’d experienced worse on other things I’d put out for the world to read. This time I’d announced a new blog adventure I was working on, via Facebook poster, and added my mission statement. What was weird about the comment was I didn’t think there was anything to agree or disagree about. But sometimes people just don’t like you. And I’ve had to come to a place in myself where I accept that.
Being a woman taught to pride herself by the amount of people-pleasing, care-giving, and/or nurturing I’m able to do, people not liking me was never acceptable. In fact I’d do anything to make sure you did. I’d act the way I was supposed to. Say the things I should. Stay appropriately quiet most of the time and make sure I was following all the rules. Thinking someone was upset, disappointed, in disagreement about, or offended by something I said or did would be a feeling I literally couldn’t tolerate physically. So I did what I needed to not to feel it.
This kind of life worked for a couple decades, until the pain of it started manifesting in the middle of my chest. That kind of jail it turns out, isn’t good for your soul. It would end up taking thousands of dollars worth of healing, very patient friends, and one twenty year marriage ending to finally realize I’m worthy, because I was born, not because anyone likes me.
I’d love to cut that time in half for you all. Especially if you’re embarking on a journey where your purpose is dragging you center stage; literally onto a stage to speak, or into the world of writing. I’m not really sure it’s the thick skin you need. I think it’s a special kind of awareness, mixed with a badass amount of self-confidence that gives you what you need when the trolls start trolling. A great group of like-minded friends doesn’t hurt either.
So instead of putting on extra armor, here are some other tricks to try when you’re practicing being out loud in a world where not everyone will like you, but you’d like to play in that sandbox anyway.
1. Stay steadfast in your awareness practice. Practicing awareness means you’re practicing feeling your body and clearing your mind. Your mind is a dangerous place to be when it comes to trolls. Don’t add meaning to the comments. Just come back to your body and breathe. Be present with the sensations.
2. Stay fierce when it comes to shutting down your inner critic. A next-level awareness practice is when you recognize your inner critic voices and shut them down almost immediately. This takes practice, but it’s what you’ll need to do when it seems nobody likes what you have to say. Don’t add baggage to your baggage by making what others say mean anything.
3. Stay unapologetic about your amazing self. When you finally love yourself, and goodness knows it’s taken some of us longer to get there than others, you don’t have to apologize for anything about you. You have ideas, opinions, experiences, and circumstances that nobody else has had. They’ve had some you haven’t had. What’s yours is yours. No need to apologize one more time for any of it. Not even a tiny bit!
4. Practice a rampage of forgiveness. Who knows really what any of this is all about. Why we’re here, what we’re doing here, how it’s supposed to go, what it all means. So just forgive people. For all you know, they’re saying or doing that thing to give you an opportunity to take your life to the next level. Maybe they’re the lesson you’re meant to learn. When you look at life like this, everything gets so much more interesting.
5. Laugh more. It’s actually what I did when I saw the comment, “I disagree.” I laughed because this same person has never had one good thing to say on any of my posters, ever. I had to laugh. She has nothing better to do, I thought. And I reminded myself that sometimes hurt people hurt people, that they say and do things to make themselves feel better. That it really has nothing to do with me. If I can keep my sense of humor, I win. Always.
Bottom line? The world needs more words that help us heal. Your words. And not everyone will love them. But that’s okay. Because for the one person you repel, a hundred more will need just what you have to say at just the time you say it. It’s okay not everyone likes you. In fact, it’s necessary. If you’re saying anything worth anything, it’ll end up ruffling some feathers. You don’t need a thicker skin to be able to take those hits. You just need the awareness, confidence, curiosity, and sense of humor to stay the path.
Be brave. You were born, so you’re worthy. Go ahead and write those words for us to read. Speak your mind about what matters to you. Inspire us with your healing ideas and stories. Don’t be afraid of those who don’t like it…they just weren’t meant for your message. Say, “next!” and let the ones who are find you!
Praised as “our favorite class” by The Writer’s Center, Laura Di Franco, MPT,’s brave, intuitive writing and healing workshops are the reason she was born. She helps writers get their badass, authentic voice published in order to heal the world with their words. Get your inspiration infusion with a free 20 minute intuitive writing strategy session by joining the Brave Healer Network at www.BraveHealer.com You also might enjoy being a part of the Sacred Erotic Self revolution - for your fiercely alive whole self!