This week comedian Kevin Hart revealed he had cheated on his pregnant wife after claiming that she was his “rib”. This wasn’t the first time Hart was caught cheating because his first wife alleges that he cheated on her with his current wife. Through a public apology on social media Hart claims that he came clean on his infidelity because of a failed extortion attempt where the women in question threatened to release a video of the two of them if she wasn’t paid an undisclosed sum of money. I’m a firm believer that what happens behind closed doors should stay behind closed doors, particularly when it comes to married folks. However, when you’re a celebrity that’s never the case. The funny thing about being a celebrity is that people believe this gives them the right to be judge, jury and executioner in your case. Because the jury of public opinion has way of skewing even the most basic stories. When Hart took to social media to issue his apology to his wife and family he gave the Internet the right to run amuck with commentary and memes. The Internet has been ablaze with comments from “who cares?” to “once a cheater always a cheater.”
As someone who was cheated on in my marriage, I can tell you that the emotional toll is heartbreaking and gut wrenching. I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach and knocked the wind out of me when I found out my ex-husband had cheated. The private fall out was bad but it was the public humiliation that was devastating. It broke me, but when I came out on the other side, here’s what I realized:
1. Cheating is never about you- People are quick to blame the woman or in some cases the man being cheated on. Cheating is always the result of a person who has an internal struggle that has yet to be addressed. It could be something that has happened in their past or accepted in their family growing up.
2. Cheating is selfish- Anyone who says it isn’t, is a liar. The person who cheats, doesn’t think about the consequences on their family, spouse or career. They’re interested in self-gratification only. The collateral damage if caught, is an after thought.
3. Cheating isn’t about intention it’s about opportunity- Hart says he made a mistake. Cheating is not a mistake. It’s a conscious decision, a choice that’s made when the opportunity presents itself. This is where commitment and loyalty come in. When presented with the opportunity to cheat it’s up to the person in that moment to decide if it’s worth it.
4. Cheating always comes out- He claimed he apologized because he was being blackmailed. The reality is that it would still have come out eventually. Karma is like that. Don’t ever believe that you can hide your dirt. Do yourself a favor, walk in the light.
5. Cheating doesn’t mean the end of the relationship-People automatically believe that this is a deal breaker. It can be, but it doesn’t have to be. If both people want to work on the relationship and the person who cheated is truly repentant, ready to do whatever it takes to work through the betrayal and rebuild the trust, the relationship can be stored and stronger than ever.
Personally, I believe in love and in particular Black Love. I hope Kevin Hart figures out the root of his issues around being faithful and truly is sorry for the hurt that he’s caused. I’m rooting for you Kev! Let Love win!