My boys are 9 and 11, and they think they’re pretty smart ― and I’m not saying they’re not, they totally are! I’m just saying that there are certain things that they do not need to know. Things like:
1. Mommy was raised on screen time.
I grew up in the ‘70s where lots of kids were plopped in front of the television at breakfast time, especially on Saturday mornings. I learned to read and write watching “Sesame Street.” My favorite Morgan Freeman role will always be Vincent the Vegetable Vampire on “The Electric Company.” And I can still recite the U.S. Constitution today thanks to “Schoolhouse Rock.” “The Brady Bunch” “Gilligan’s Island” “The Gong Show” “The Love Boat” and “Fantasy Island”... I watched it all — no one was setting timers or telling me I couldn’t. I’m totally okay!
2. That sometimes I do this to their sandwiches.
This middle section is the perfect bite. For me. Hey moms of the world? YOU’RE WELCOME.
3. That no one ever monitored my sugar intake. Ever.
We had a candy bowl in the living room that was constantly being replenished with Brach’s Pick-A-Mix. We ate Apple Jacks and Lucky Charms for breakfast. When we heard The Good Humor Man go by we flew out the door. Nobody batted an eye at any of this. I don’t recall anyone ever looking at ingredients on the back of a package. Ever. Again, I am a functioning, normal (mostly) person today.
4. That I check in on you when you’re asleep.
I still take a peek as you snooze all quiet, sweet and warm. And while I’m in there I’ll search your big boy faces for the babies you once were.
5. That I want you to make mistakes.
Okay, now here’s one thing I do want you to know… childhood is wonderful. And hard. And it goes in the blink of an eye. Your eye, with the perfect beautiful long lashes I’ll never have (remember I am looking at you while you sleep! Which is not creepy at all!) I feel like just last week I was watching “The People’s Court” with my dad or picking out my prom dress.
It’s also full of mistakes which you are going to make and if you’re like your mom, you may make lots of them. But that’s how we learn. You don’t need to know the details of Mommy’s mistakes just yet; just know she’s learned a lot and continues to learn and grow, just like you.
Oh hey, one more thing you don’t know – I actually do know why the 100 Grand bars seem to vanish from your Halloween haul every year.