Oh, the holidays! You want to limit your weight gain or steer clear of certain foods, but your loved one keeps bringing tempting treats home. Worse yet, they expect you to eat what they brought and get offended when you don’t. Here are 5 ways to help maintain your holiday diet resolve without undermining this important relationship:
1. Speak Up Now
Don’t wait until your partner walks in the door carrying a bag filled with holiday goodies. Share your personal needs NOW, before the treat giving season kicks into high gear. If you have a medical issue such as diabetes, need to follow a specific meal plan, or just want to make healthier food choices, say so. Hints rarely work, so be as clear as possible. For the best results, focus on your feelings, not on your loved one’s actions. Don’t say: “You have to stop bringing food home from the office.” Instead, say: “I feel frustrated and guilty when I eat foods I want to avoid.”
2. Brainstorm Together
After you share your feelings, invite your loved one to work with you to devise a plan to keep the candy canes, snowman cookies and boxes of chocolates out of the house. One option is to have your partner enjoy them in another location. Another is to give them away to relatives, friends and employees. Come up with a plan and agree to stick to it.
3. Skip the Blame Game
If after all of your planning your honey still brings you the homemade snickerdoodles their coworker baked, try to stay calm. Their actions may not be intentional. Holidays trigger strong emotions in many people and certain foods can bring back warm fuzzy feelings that are hard to ignore. According to couple’s expert Dr. Julie Gottman, if either of you become emotionally “flooded” about the situation, take a break. When a person’s heart rate climbs above 100 beats per minute (above 80 for athletes), they will have difficulty thinking and problem solving. They are more likely to feel attacked and misinterpret kind or even harmless comments as hostile ones. When this occurs, they may attack back or stop communicating altogether.
When you are both calm, you are more likely to come to a mutually satisfactory resolution. When one or both of you is agitated, Gottman suggests you take at least a 20-30 minute break and don’t think about the fight. Then come back in a better mood and start the discussion again. (See video below for more info)
4. Avoid The HALT
You can’t stop all temptations, so try to keep yourself in the best condition to say “no” when a challenge arises. To do this, I encourage my clients to take a lesson from the folks at Alcoholics Anonymous and steer clear of the HALT emotions – Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired. So, eat well, manage your emotions with writing, exercise, talking, etc., interact with friends and loved ones each day, and get your ZZZ’s.
5. Cut Yourself Some Slack
No one is perfect. And we shouldn’t be. Facing challenges and making mistakes help us discover new solutions and grow. So, if you sneak downstairs New Year’s Day to nibble on a hidden piece of cake, forgive yourself. You are only human and can try to do better next time.