It's not always possible to know where the relationship went wrong. Many divorces are caused by infidelity, so how do we stop ourselves from getting to that point? Here are five tips for having a long-lasting, thriving relationship.
With the recent release of the numerous Ashley Madison subscribers, many of my divorced clients are wondering how they can avoid infidelity in their future relationships. They question their mistakes as well as their proud moments, but it can be difficult to pinpoint where things collapsed. Many of us get comfortable in relationships; we forget why the relationship began, and we stop trying to be our best selves. We begin to view our partners more negatively, and over time we reveal a much more undesirable side of ourselves.
Although there is no secret remedy that can predict what choices our partners will make, there are specific ways you might be carrying yourself that can cause things to break down. We cannot place blame when it comes to infidelity, but as individuals there are ways to ensure we are putting forth our best selves to create a long-lasting, thriving relationship.
- Remember why you chose this person. There was a time when you were beaming with excitement at the thought of your partner. Ask yourself, what drew you to them? What did you admire about this person? Focus on the qualities that enticed you during the early stages of your relationship. By doing this, you will view your partner in a more positive light. Are you frequently rolling your eyes? Do they drive you crazy with their annoying habits? How has your behavior contributed to the negative changes you are seeing in them? When you have the urge to give the silent treatment or lash out, remember why at one point you could not stand to be without them.
It is also crucial that you focus on being an interesting partner yourself. Did you use to rehearse your conversations and think about what topics to bring up? Imagine if you woke up every day with this mentality. Ask yourself how you can engage with your partner in an interesting way. What interests you both as a couple and individually? What can you discuss today as you connect meaningfully? How can you communicate in a way that reminds your partner why they chose you and used to hang on your every word?
This step might seem incredibly difficult as we juggle the demands and let downs that the day brings. When women feel they cannot rely on their partner to help out with the large load they so often carry, they can begin to nag repeatedly. Men are not motivated to change when they are approached this way, as they feel disrespected and unacknowledged. This can quickly lead to resentment and distance. What does your partner do that you do appreciate? How can you show gratitude for everything your partner does right? Share this with them daily, and watch as the dynamic quickly shifts. It would be difficult to leave a relationship when you feel constant support, respect, and appreciation.
Although it might seem easy to start another relationship with someone new and exciting, remember that you might find yourself in a similar situation if you do not fix, or at least explore, what created distance in your current and past relationships. Many of my clients prefer to wait until their partners make a change, but they fail to recognize how things can shift if they take the initiative.
Make the decision daily to wake up grateful, interested, and interesting. Be patient and watch as your partner begins to change and your relationship transforms. If you are struggling with these concepts, take the initiative to find professional support to guide you through this process. Even if your relationship seems lifeless or has already ended, you owe it to yourself to practice being a great partner and learn how to bring a relationship back from the dead.
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