Let’s be honest. Our culture is totally obsessed with ideals of beauty and we are taught that it is a constant battle to stay youthful and attractive. But instead of simply giving up or becoming totally obsessed with body image, I believe there is a middle ground. There are 5 Attraction Factors that you have control over and when you concentrate on these 5 factors, you will find that you magnetize people to you in a meaningful and positive way.
1. Use Humor. We’ve all been told to “smile and the world smiles with you”. This saying persists because it’s true! Smiling and laughing are contagious and one of the most effective therapies in the world. We can heal our bodies, strengthen our immune systems, heal relationships, and see solutions to problems in a new light when we approach a situation with humor. Your ability to create humor in random situations and see the world in a positive light are very attractive qualities. We want to be close to happy smiling people because the energy of their joy and laughter is magnetic. Try memorizing a joke or two that you can use in any context, its a great skill to have!
2. Develop Confidence. Confidence comes across in our body language, our personal hygiene, and the words we use. It is closely related to the term “charisma” which is something that you can cultivate. Confidence is absolutely and skill that can be cultivated. We are attracted to people who give off that air of certainty and power. We are drawn to people who appear to know where they are headed and why. Some of the best ways to attract others to you are to practice standing with good posture, walking with your head up and greeting people with a smile and eye contact, conversing with your arms by your side or turning your palms up as you explain things, and practicing eliminating the filler words like, um, uh, and so.
3. Increase your Social Value. I want to pay close attention to this idea of Social Value, which is simply another way of saying “what you bring to the table in all of your interpersonal relationships”. In a work setting, your social value may reside in the humor you bring to the office, to the networking contacts your bring to the firm, to the brilliant engineering ideas that you bring onto the manufacturing floor to help innovate or expedite shipping!
At home, your social value could be what you bring to the kitchen table at night to discuss, or the vacation you plan for the family, or the surprise dinner you make for your roommates, or the extra special Tooth Fairy gift that no one was expecting. At home, your social value is wrapped up in the moral and ethical code that you embody and that people come to expect from you. We are attracted to people we can count on and who do what they say they are going to do in the timeframe they say they will do it.
In a larger sociopolitical context, your social value lies in the work you do to better your community and the world. Even small actions, done with love and high intentions, increase the quality of life for those around you.
There are few things as repelling as being around someone who is always late, self-absorbed, erratic in their behavior, and talks a big talk but at the end of the day does nothing to move the needle.
4. Be aware of Physical Attributes. I think physical attributes are worth mentioning here because while we can’t alter our bone structure, we can be aware of what others notice and play up our strengths! When it comes to physical attraction, we are hard wired from the dawn of civilization to look for characteristics in the opposite sex that equate to our survival. For instance, women tend to look for men who have broad shoulders and a strong jawline. Why? Well because that strong jawline means testosterone and those big shoulders mean strength to support and protect us. Men can’t help but be drawn to a woman’s hips. Why? Because the survival of the species means having a fertile partner. For both men and women, the attraction factor here comes down to staying in shape, at a healthy weight, and dressing / grooming ourselves in a way that showcases our most positive physical attributes. Healthy skin and hair come from a healthy diet and regular exercise. You don’t need gluteal implants or huge pecs to be beautiful, but this is why the plastic surgery industry is so successful! Do the work, play to your strengths, and you will magnetize others who see and appreciate you for you!
5. Your Common Scent. Similar to the last attraction factor is being aware of how you smell. Smell is a huge factor in either magnetizing or totally repelling others. Some totally repelling scents are: cigarette smoking, stale laundry, underarm odor, smelly feet, urine, etc. In other words, Eau De Homeless Dude. Yuck. Also bad are when you become nose blind to how much perfume or cologne you are dowsing yourself with before you leave the house. Think about aromatherapy for a moment. There are distinct fragrances and essential oils that make us feel very distinct ways; calm, happy, sleepy, alert, in love, focused, etc. How you choose to smell is going to attract different people and sets the tone for what it’s like to be in your presence. Be subtle. People remember smells, and if you don’t believe me, just think about your Grandma for a second…
Showing up masterfully as your unique self is a skill that takes self-awareness and feedback from trusted sources! Don’t be afraid to ask your close friends for their honest opinion on how you are currently showing up in the world.