I love my husband with all my heart, but honestly, he is like a 13-year-old boy when it comes to sex. He wants/needs it all the time. I also have to admit, I love it :) He makes me feel sexy and wanted even when I feel bloated, cranky or exhausted. But being a mom to two young kids, it's hard to keep up. I want to, believe me! But at the end of the day I am tired, and oftentimes, the last thing I want is sex.
So here are a few things I've done to help me be more intimate with my husband (often leading to some great sex). Some of these sound crazy, but stick with me:
1. Take care of your body by exercising and eating right.
I know... how can this lead to more intimacy, you ask? Well, feeling good and confident in your body is the first place to start. Our bodies change drastically after having kids, but it does not mean that we are no longer sexy. It just means that our bodies evolved. I look at my body and feel a hundred times sexier than before I had kids. I have such a love and admiration for this body that cared and carried two amazing beings. Because of that, I try to keep my body moving and eat nutritious, nourishing foods that make me feel energized.
2. Touch your partner.
Touch does not always need to lead to sex, but it is extremely powerful and connects you more intimately with your partner. We are able to communicate with touch, and when we use it with our partner often, we gain a deeper emotional connection that leads to a more loving relationship.
3. Plan playful date nights.
Each month, try alternating the planning of date nights. Try to be as playful as possible when it's your turn to plan. Try live music, bowling, rock climbing... have fun!
4. Listen and pay attention to your desires.
We all have desires. Some are more hidden than others. Getting clear on your desires and needs can lead to more intimacy with your partner. When you have some alone time, take a few moments and ask yourself what you want in the bedroom. It is something most women are too embarrassed to do, but give it a shot. You might be pleasantly surprised.
5. Support your partner.
Creating a safe place for your relationship to blossom is a fundamental part of creating intimacy. When you and your partner feel supported, you will feel more open and comfortable while exploring each other.
There is an element of safety that comes with intimacy, and as women and mothers, we want and need that. In our crazy busy lives, reconnecting with our partner is necessary and helps create an element of safety for our children.
I'm creating a new program around intimacy and how having more of it with our partner can lead to better parenting. Stay tuned! In the meantime, please check out the free 8 Days to Intimacy Challenge.
Andi Wickman is a mentor and intimacy coach for moms who want their groove back. She works with women who are stuck in the rut of motherhood gain more confidence in their lives and relationships so they can be more present, caring parents and humans. (And so they can really enjoy the heck out of life for a change!)