1. All White House tour passes will be printed on green cardstock. You must have a “green card” to visit.
2. White House cafeteria will start serving taco bowls.
3. Every news network will morph into a reality TV program.
4. Schools will start teaching children the correct way to pronounce “China.”
5. Miss America portfolio shoots can also double as voter ID cards.
6. Alabama men will finally be able to date their daughters without guilt.
7. The GOP will invest all resources keeping up with random changes to policy.
8. Christmas Cards from Russia with a shirtless Putin is a huge win.
9. SNL will be the closest program to actual news.
10. North Korea likes Donald Trump as much as Dennis Rodman.
11. Federal Buildings will be built by undocumented workers reducing labor costs.
12. Ted Cruz’s face walking into the Oval Office with Donald Trump sitting behind the desk would be priceless.
13. Trump gift baskets for White House visitors will be epic.
14. High-rise condominiums on the South Lawn would provide amazing views of The Mall.
15. Watching Trump pander to the religious right while mispronouncing Biblical books.
16. Jon Stewart would be forced out of retirement.
17. A new Jeopardy category called “Trump Facts” would stump contestants.
18. Watching Trump mistake “misogynist” accusations as a back rub invitation.
19. “Stop and Frisk” will become a competitive sport. Bonus points for minorities.
20. Vegas odds makers picking which country Trump will invade first.
21. Daily report from the White House listing weak soldiers that were caught by our enemies.
22. Listening to Trump create random laws without Congress and acting like they are real.
23. Science Day at the White House will be replaced with Donut Day.
24. Sales of white pillowcases will skyrocket.
25. The Department of Education will be replaced with The Department of Tax Evasion.
26. Trump will visits the National Achieves and pencil in the 2nd Amendment below John Hancock’s name.
27. Donald Trump responses when reporters ask questions about the White House China Room.
28. Public viewings of Cabinet members getting fired.
29. All official White House correspondence conducted though Twitter.
30. Chris Christie appointed to head the Department of Transportation.
31. Chancellor Merkel filling out a Miss Universe application before being invited to the White House.
32. American deserves the healthiest president in our entire nation’s history.
33. Trump University classes will be taught in the East Room.
34. Presidential taxpayer-funded trips that Donald Trump didn’t contribute to.
35. Having Donald Trump locate random countries on a map just for pure entertainment.
36. Supreme Court Justice Harry Stone has a nice ring to it.
37. Women will be discharged from the military as a solution to stop sexual assaults.
38. America has never had a president who has been married three times.
39. What says America has class more than a gold-plated bathtub in the White House Residence?
40. Made up endorsements like ICE would support Trump’s agenda.
41. Hearing Mike Pence is secretly using the Map Room for his 2020 campaign.
42. Diplomatic trips to South Africa just so Jr. can go big game hunting.
43. Job security for Politifact and Factcheck.org.
44. Donald Trump gets things done. You know, like his first two marriages.
45. Donald Trump can raise $5 million dollars for any organization as long as there is a camera and a microphone.
46. As president, Trump can make sure his audit lasts another 12 years to avoid releasing his taxes.
47. Barack Obama’s approval rating will continue to skyrocket throughout Trump’s administration.
48. English adjectives will be reduced to “Great,” “Huge,” and “Best” reducing education resources.
49. “Make America Great Again” can be repositioned to promote any of Trump’s ideas.
50. Republicans will have to spend the next 50 years defending Donald Trump’s failed policies.