It sucks. It is sad. It is lonely. It is heartbreaking. It is life-changing. It is painful. It is tragic. It is pathetic. It is devastating. It is depressing... It is just so damn bad. You feel as if your life will never go on. There is a void that can never be filled, because there is no other love in this world like the love of a mother. There is so much that she has missed and will miss. It rips you up and tears you down. You feel empty; you feel lost. It leaves a huge gaping hole in your heart that will never, ever heal. It messes with your mind. It brings anger into your heart, anger that you know your mother wouldn't want you to feel, but you feel it anyway.
You'll miss her, probably more than you'll ever miss anybody in this entire world. It's a rollercoaster of emotions. One minute you'll be at peace with her death, the next you'll feel the heart-wrenching feeling that she is never coming back. Hearing her name will pull at you; it will leave you feeling unsettled, especially when you know that she is missing extreme milestones in your life. It is dark. It is upsetting. It is miserable. There's regret, there's guilt, and there is an extreme feeling of loss that could never, EVER, EVER, be replaced. But when you think of her, as a person rather than a lost loved one, and all of the moments the two of you have shared together, each and every lovely memory will flood through your mind.
Think of her before she died. The love she had for you will always outweigh her death. She didn't leave you because she wanted to; she left because there were other plans for her, and she was greater than this world. When you think of your mother, you feel happiness; you feel content; you feel loved; you feel overwhelmed; you feel enamored; you feel comfort; you feel lifted; you feel blessed; you feel honored; you feel inspired; you feel hopeful; you feel strong; you feel brave; you feel encouraged; you feel like you again.
And when you finally realize that life continues on, you realize you are here to live it, and live it for her. You remember the kind of life she wanted for you, and that's a happy life. You feel her in the wind and you see her in the stars, she visits you in your dreams and she guards you with all of her heart. But most importantly, when you think of your mother, remember that she is constantly guiding you and sending you love when you need it the most. You will feel refreshed, you will feel her hug, you will feel her heart and that is when you will feel brand new. And each and everyday you will realize that you have all of these feelings, because you were lucky enough to call her your mother.
This post is part of Common Grief, a Healthy Living editorial initiative. Grief is an inevitable part of life, but that doesn't make navigating it any easier. The deep sorrow that accompanies the death of a loved one, the end of a marriage or even moving far away from home, is real. But while grief is universal, we all grieve differently. So we started Common Grief to help learn from each other. Let's talk about living with loss. If you have a story you'd like to share, email us at firstname.lastname@example.org.