I slept in today, which is unheard of when you have kids. My kids and I are on summer hours though, and they allowed me some extra sleepy time. When I went to bed last night, I was aware of the fact that I had therapy the next day. I had mixed feelings about it. Part of me was relieved that there was a space where I could talk about my problems, and another part of me was nervous to open that Pandora’s box. Unlike Pandora’s box though, the things in my consciousness aren’t “bad” or “evil” they are simply free-floating thoughts that move around my brain without my consent. It’s what I do with them that matters. Those irritating (sometimes dark thoughts) are going to linger around my head and I have power as to what I do with them.
There are many times when I don’t know what to do with my thoughts and that’s why I have a f*cking therapist. She sets me on the right track and gives my mind the structure so that I can be a better human. I’m seeing my therapist in person, but I have friends who see their therapists online or through Skype or whatever. If that’s your jam (by the way) you can look for an online therapist near you. My therapist is located near my house, which makes it easier to motivate myself to go. Although, I don’t think it’s particularly “easy” for anyone to go to therapy. It’s like going to the gym. You don’t actually want to go to the gym, but after you go you feel better.
On a side note, I also don’t like going to the gym. I do like walking a lot because it clears my mind.
And that’s my goal: to feel better. The reality is that therapy isn’t a magical thing that allows you to feel better after one session. It’s something that takes time and effort from me. It also particularly sucks right now, because I’m feeling depressed and the last thing I want to do is go to therapy. I want to avoid my problems at all costs and watch Netflix. Unfortunately, Netflix doesn’t have a PhD and it can’t help me recover from anything I’ve been through. Netflix doesn’t come with antidepressant properties. Damn it, why didn’t anyone tell me that before I subscribed? This is not an ad for Netflix by the way.
I’ve frequently asked for a fast forward button, but life doesn’t come with one. If you can’t fast forward your other alternative is to talk about sh*t in therapy. That’s what I’ve learned over the past 22 years that I’ve been in various forms of therapy. I’m not saying therapy is the answer to everything, but it’s kind of like when you don’t wash your face. It’s okay for a while and then eventually you get pimples; this is how I feel about therapy. The effects are not instantaneous, but over time they build up and you’re a healthier human being.
I’m going to therapy! This isn’t me, by the way.