India is going through a major flux across the board. As old traditions give way to new norms and as the society absorb’s external influences, it creates a lot of tension between the establishment and those that pull away from it. Nowhere is this conflict more intense than in the concept of having casual relationships before marriage.
Like dating, the idea of living togther before marriage is a relatively new trend in India. While no data is available to conclusively determine the popularity of having a “trial run” before choosing to tie the knot, it is a concept that is bound to gain popularity among young Indians.
Before you are tempted to move-in with your love interest, read our six reasons why you might get more than what you bargained for if you go down this path.
1. Lack of social acceptance
In general, Indians have still not embraced the concept of live-in relationships wholeheartedly. Couples who live together often may often face harassment from neighbours, landlords and their respective families.
Justice Prakash Tatia, the chairperson of the Rajasthan Human Right Commission, created a flutter recently by calling live-in relationships as a form of “social terrorism”.
Here was his shocking explanation in an interview with the Indian Express.
The area where they (a couple) live-in…there is a sense of insecurity. A neighbour thinks, whether my daughter or son goes there (to the couple’s house). There is a sense of fear, which virtually creates terror…there may be fights. I am not saying the people who are fighting are right but it’s the reality.
2. Lack of commitment
While this is considered as an advantage as well, it is also perceived as a major disadvantage as a live-in relationship lacks commitment or any form of social obligation. Either party in the relationship can choose to exit leaving the other person, who might have had a greater emotional investment in the relationship, high and dry without any recourse.
A study in the UK found that nearly one in 6 unmarried couples were worried about the loyalty of their partners. On the other hand, married couples had significantly lower incidence of doubts about loyalty and commitment.
3. Risk losing the spark early on
When a couple decides to live together before marriage, they go through everything that a newly married couple would go through. Thus, there is much less to be discovered post marriage and the spark is not probably alive.
Differences evolve and familiarity eventually breeds contempt. As couples live together they start losing physical attraction as they start seeing each other as a “caretaker”. Couples also stop making themselves attractive to the other party as they have grown comfortable with each other. Most interactions between couples in long-term relationships devolve into routine transactions with no interesting joint activities that could keep the spark alive.
4. Children in a limbo?
Children born out of wedlock to a couple who have been living together are considered legitimate by law but not accepted by the society. As a result, it is possible that the child could face rejection or disapproval from society.
The status of the parent’s relationship can easily become the topic of conversation among schoolmates, friends or even among relatives resulting in psychological issues and a sense of rejection among the children. As they grow up, they will always wonder why their parents chose not to marry!
5. Sexual exploitation
In general, cases of sexual exploitation and discrimination against women have been on the rise. Women are subject to harassment not only by the partner but also by the society. In India, the society tends to judge the woman more rather than a man. If the woman is not financially independent, her ability to end the exploitative nature of the relationship is non-existent.
In some cases, women are forced to agree to a sexual relationship with the promise that eventually the live-in relationship will lead to a marriage. However, after a while, the woman is abandoned. An allegation of rape doesn’t hold water in the courts in such cases as the relationship was consensual from the beginning.
6. Legal hassles
Couples in live-in relationships face huge odds in securing documents such as visas, applying for medical insurance, opening bank accounts and navigating government regulations to get things done.
For example, it is difficult to get your partner a health insurance coverage if he/she is not your spouse. Sometimes, even hospital visitation rights are difficult to get if the couple isn’t married.
International chess player Anuradha Beniwal was living in with her partner with no objections from family. But when her partner decided to take up a job offer in London and she too was willing to move, they got married in a rush to avoid visa troubles.
This article is an extract from the Jodi Logik blog.